Last Saturday I got a rare chance to spend a little time with my favorite kiddos!  I baby sat for my goddaughter JEM, and watched my two nephews play soccer!  It was a nice momentary escape from my sad life of studying around the clock!  Here’s a few pics!  I love all these guys so much (including my other nephew and niece I didn’t get a picture of this time!)

My nephews! Soccer Superstars!

My goddaughter JEM and her big sis!

 Aren’t they so cute!

BTW, I actually have a bit of a break this weekend.  I just finished two of my classes, OB and Pediatrics.  I ended up with a 3.8 in OB and a 3.9 in the Pediatrics…yay!  All my hard work paid off!  Monday I start on Med/Surg 2 (Adult Nursing 2).  I still have 2 weeks left of Peds clinical this coming week and next before moving on to the Med/Surg 2 clinical but the end is near. 

Did I mention that I am still loving Peds!  I swear, most of the kids are the sweetest!  I even got some baby cuddle time last Wednesday since the mom had to leave to take care of her other kids for a few hours!  Granted that will not happen as much when I am a full-time nurse with 4-5 patients per shift vs. a student nurse who only gets 1 patient!  But still, I think I will really enjoy it. 

I am officially halfway done with nursing school.  Only 6 more weeks left this semester, then 4 more months next year!  I CANNOT wait!

 I called PPVI last week and found out that they will be open over the holidays (well, all except Christmas Day and New Years Day, understandably).  So I am thinking this could really happen.  They are sending me the new patient paperwork and I will talk to them on Tuesday to see if I can get on the schedule.  Then all I have to do is call my primary care physician back to see if my out-of-network referral for Dr. Keefe was approved…keep those prayers a-coming!

So I got my letter from PPVI today! 

Unfortunately it wasn’t quite as revealing as I was hoping….but I was somewhat prepared for that based on the letter a fellow blogger, Lisa, also received from Dr. Hilgers recently.

It pretty much told me what he understood my problem to be from my history and previous doctor’s diagnoses:

Functionally abnormal cycles, unusual bleeding, premenstrual symptoms, type V luteal phase defect, a history of endometriosis, and a septate uterus.

Then he stated what he noticed from my charting and medical charts:

Markedly low post peak estrogen, low androgen levels, regular mucus cycles, premenstrual spotting, tail-end brown bleeding, intermenstrual bleeding and frequent “2W” observations.

He thinks these could all indicate possible:

hormonal dysfunction, ovulation defects, endometriosis, chronic inflammation of the cervix, and/or chronic low-grade endometrial infection.

As a result, he would like me to come to PPVI for 7-10 days and have the following tests performed:

Ultrasound series, diagnostic lap/hyst, selective HSG, and endometrial cultures.

Ok, like Lisa, I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis in the form of a letter, but I guess it would have been nice to get a tad more information…ya know?  I almost felt like it was a form letter where he checked the appropriate boxes for my situation.  I’m also bummed because I’ve had all this done before with the exception of the endometrial culture (and even that, M and I just finished antibiotics to treat for it anyway despite not having the actual culture done).  So after all that, Dr. Hilgers will then decide a course of treatment for me.  I guess that is the real gold of Dr. Hilgers, not just the diagnostic stuff.  It’s how he looks at it and treats for it, I guess!

However, he stated at the end of the letter that he is booking out 3-4 months for surgery but that if I wanted it sooner, I could contact them and see Cather.ine Ke.efe M.D. instead because she has been trained by Dr. Hilgers to perform the “same medical services.”   Do you guys think it would be a mistake to see her instead of waiting for Dr. Hilgers himself?  I mean, I would imagine they still consult each other with tough cases right?  So I would still get HIS knowledge even though she would be my main contact, right?

I am actually sorta thinking I may go ahead and try and have this all done in December with her instead of waiting until next May/June.  I made some calls and it is possible that my current insurance will pay for it although I will know more in a week or two.  If they do, it would be nice to get it done while I am off for Christmas break.  I get almost a month off from school.  It will only require me to be in Omaha for 7-10 days…so not too bad.  I just don’t know if my cycle will cooperate and have the right timing for the surgery/ultrasound series.  It’s not like I want to be in Omaha by myself over Christmas or anything.  Given that, I only have a good week or so of availability  (December 13-23).  So in order to have the ultrasound series done, I would need to have shortish (26 day) cycles the next two months which isn’t really that common for me.  If anything they will probably be longer than even 28 day cycles and then I will totally be off for doing it in December.

Oh well, I put all the calls into everyone I needed to (my primary care physician for a referral and PPVI to see what their schedule looks like) so I will leave it in God’s hands.  I know from past experience that I can’t force it if it’s not His will so I’m going to do what I can to make it happen but I’m not going to stress about it if it doesn’t.  In the meantime, now I am just waiting to hear back from the adoption agency to get all the paperwork in hand.  I figure it will be a few weeks at least so I still have some more time to kill busting my butt in school!   At least I have a distraction no matter how painful school is at the moment, ha ha!

Hope you are all having a great evening!

Yes, I know I’ve been completely awful about blogging lately, but I have a good excuse, I swear.  My life is pretty much hell right now with school and a wedding I was in last weekend.  Don’t get me wrong, the wedding itself wasn’t hell.  It  was actually quite lovely!  It was just that with the craziness of school on top of all the wedding festivities (which included a bachelorette party the weekend before involving me as the designated driver and the maid of honor puking her brains out and going to the ER…nough said), well that on top of a million killer exams and massive projects…well, that is why my life has been hell lately.

Hence…no timey, no blog posty!

But since I have a second…and yes, just a second and due to the fact that I am basically slap-happy with exhaustion at the moment, I wanted to update you on a few things. 

1.  No, I am not pregnant.  (I know…big surprise there eh?). 

2.  I just mailed in our initial adoption paperwork today.

3.  I still haven’t gotten my letter from Dr. Hilgers yet.  Although for a second there today I thought I had.  PPVI so kindly sent me a generic letter asking for a donation.  Dang – it!  I really got my  hopes up.  But I’m used to that so…

4.  I am into my pediatric rotation at the hospital and I wanted to seriously steal my assigned patient today.   He was 4 years old and had a smile that could melt any heart and he definitely melted mine!

5.  That’s it…no more.  Gotta head to bed!  Sorry for my lack of commenting lately.  I’m still praying though, as always!

Good night!

So I totally shouldn’t be writing on my blog right now (because I have an exam tomorrow that I am still far from done studying for) but I wanted to share a little news.

In my last post I know I mentioned that starting this cycle, I increased my LDN dose to 3.0 mg.  Well, I definitely noticed some differences during this cycle and I am wondering if this is a random thing or if maybe the LDN is actually starting to do something.

First of all, I ovulated super early this month.  According to my CM and my chart, I ovulated on CD 13…however, I had some major ovulation type pain on CD11 and I am 99% sure this is when I ovulated.  Being that my period surprised me this morning by arriving what I thought was 2 days early, I have pretty much confirmed my original suspicion.  My luteal phase is like clockwork.  It is always 14 days long and if you count from the day I had the supposed ovulation pain, then once again, my luteal phase would be exactly 14 days long. 

Now ovulating early really isn’t a huge sign or anything, but it was definitely not a normal occurence for me so I just wanted to mention it.

Another thing I’ve noticed the past 2 months is that I am having WAY more breast tenderness after ovulation.  I used to never have ANY breast tenderness after I ovulated which I always thought was weird and maybe a sign of a hormone problem.  But now it is quite obvious and quite uncomfortable.  I know it sounds dumb to be happy about my bo.obs being sore, but this really does encourage me!  I hope this means that my hormones are acting more like they’re supposed to.

I also did not have even one hormonal freak out moment this month!  Hallelujah.  I made it through the whole survival week without feeling like I wanted to remove anyone’s head.  LOL! 

Lastly, I only had really 1 day of pre-menstrual spotting this month!  This is awesome!  I usually have 4 or more days of spotting and this month it was technically 2 days but I really only am counting 1 day since the first day of spotting it was one time and it was so super light a normal person would never even notice it unless you were really examining the toilet paper like us Creighton girls do.  So that is a big improvement.  I hope this change sticks!

So as happy as I am to be seeing some improvements I did still e-mail my NaPro doctor to see if there was any way I could try the HCG injections.  I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask.  However, I highly doubt he will do it.  It is just human nature to want to try every possible thing, ya know?

Oh, I did forget to mention there is one bad thing that is happening.  I am having an acne problem again.  I had this a long time ago when I first stopped taking the birth control pill.  I started having constant major breakouts on my upper back, shoulders, neck and chest (thankfully not my face).  It was TERRIBLE.  I suffered with it for probably a year and then started Metformin which seemed to clear it up.  I haven’t taken Metformin since March and it is only just now coming back (ugh).  I’m not exactly sure what this means, if anything, but I did let my NaPro doctor know about it.  I’m wondering if it is related to me being off the Metformin long enough for the symptom to recur or if it is somehow related to the LDN and Estrogen supplements. 

Ok, I have to get back to studying.  My exam tomorrow is over the reproductive system, female reproductive hormones/cycle, reproductive issues (including endometriosis, PCOS, infertility, etc.), STD’s (fun!), fetal development and maternal adaptation to pregnancy.  I’ve got the first half of the information down since I live reproductive issues (minus the STD section)!  But learning about the pregnancy stuff through experience will hopefully have to come for me later so I need to get going!! 

(now don’t get me wrong, I do not totally have my hopes up or anything from these few small baby steps, I just thought I’d try to be positive for a change!)

Happy Sunday everyone!

Yup, after a week of a strike, we finally had our first day of classes.  Our university professors are part of a union and their contract expired this summer.  Obviously the negotiations did not turn out so well.  But at least all of that is behind us now and we can get to it.

A few little tidbits and then I am off to bed… (it was really really hard to get up for school this morning, LOL!)

1)  I got my Vitamin D blood levels back and they were at the low end of normal (although below the new recommendations) so I started on Vitamin D supplements this week.

2)  My NaPro doctor also increased my LDN dosage to 3 mg per day instead of 1.5 mg.  I started this last week and haven’t noticed any adverse side effects.  Survival week is just around the corner though (I am P+3 today) so we will see how that goes!

3)  Sew, I am sorry I didn’t call back today.  I was in class when you called and have been swamped since.  I will definitely try and give you a call tomorrow!

4)  I started my pediatrics class today and I am so excited to start working with the kids!  I don’t start that assignment (clinical) at the hospital until October though.  But learning all this stuff makes me feel like I will be an even better (or at least more knowledgable) mom when I do finally become one!

Ok, sorry for my long absences!  With school back in full force, my posts definitely may continue to be spotty!  But please know I am always praying for all of my fellow bloggers, and friends of course, going through IF!

Hugs!

Yup, I was supposed to start classes back up today.  I got up, showered, made some coffee and turned on the news.  Turns out, the professors at my University are on STRIKE!  I had no idea this was even a possibility.  Apparently, they are not even really all that close to reaching an agreement.  So until further notice…no classes.  Crazy eh?

So as much as I just wanted to get school over with, I guess I am happy to have a few more days off.  It does mean we’ll more than likely go longer into December, but by then it will be pretty dang cold and dreary here.  So I guess it is better to have the days off now, than then!

I am feeling a little better I guess.  I just had my few days of sadness and now I am trying to move on.  My MIL assures me constantly that she, along with all her strong Catholic friends who are always praying for us,  just have a “feeling” God is going to bless me with a pregnancy when the time is right.

I don’t know that I believe it exactly, but I guess I’ll try and keep the hope somewhat alive.  It’s better than giving up all hope and being down in the dumps the next few years!

I mailed my $25 check to my NaPro doctor yesterday.  It is the fee for Dr. Hilgers to look over my chart/info.  I know it will take awhile, but I am glad it is going to be sent to him soon.  Might as well see what he has to think about my situation.  I figure if he can’t help me, no one can (well, except God Himself of course). 

So, that’s it.  I am headed to yoga again tonight.  At least it helps me to calm my mind while working out the stress in my body.

I’ve been feeling weird the past few days and I’m not sure why.  I just feel…unsettled, odd, lonely, etc, and I don’t know what, if anything, can be done about it.

I am starting classes again in two days…sigh.  I’m sure that’s not helping matters.  I spent the last week and a half relaxing and it was truly heavenly.  So why don’t I feel recharged and raring to go?  Who knows. 

I got a bill from PPVI hormone lab for $1600 for all the blood work I had done a few months ago.  Guess my insurance didn’t cover it after all…oh well.  That is the life of an infertile, right?  We get to pay out the wazoo for stuff that in the end, may make no difference at all.

And then I battle the feelings of not even wanting a child at all. (i.e. forget about adoption all together).  Do other people go through these types of phases or am I weird.  I have these periods of time where I just feel so “out of it” that I just don’t even know why I want to have a child to worry about on top of everything else.  Not that life is so bad, but it’s not really that great either…I think I’m just depressed.  Probably because I haven’t had much to do.  I think I actually thrive on the workload of school a little bit.  At least I am being a productive member of society.  But when I do mindless thing, albeit very relaxing things, I just feel blah.

Maybe that is just more proof positive that despite the amount of work a child entails, the reward/satisfaction far outweighs the “burden.”

Sorry this post is so disjointed and random.  I didn’t really even feel like posting since I really don’t have much of value to say.  But I thought maybe getting it out there would help me work through what I am feeling.  I’m not sure it worked. There is always tomorrow I guess!

I just had to link to this beautiful post by a beautiful and godly woman.

Glenna is now a mom but this post really hit home for me.  It is another confirmation from someone who has been there that adoption is not a cure for infertility.  It is a choice you make many times over.  I think it explains so clearly how difficult it is to actually adopt, not technically, but all the choices and decisions you make leading up to it.

Just thought I’d share!  Thanks for writing it Glenna!

So it’s my last week of my first semester of nursing school.  I didn’t think I’d make it!

Tomorrow is actually my last day in the hospital for clinicals and Friday is my last exam.  If I wasn’t so buried in studying for what is sure to be a really tough exam, I would be dancing with glee!  But since I am buried, I will have to settle for a small glimmer of happiness in the back of my mind knowing that in 87 hours I will have a 12 day break from school…sigh!

I have already decided that I am not going to do ANY homework over my break.  I stressed myself out the two weeks I had off of work before school started and I really don’t think it helped me all that much.  So this time, I am R-E-L-A-X-I-N-G and that is it!

To start my vacation off, I will be headed up north with M to spend the weekend at my sister’s cottage with 4 other couples.  We usually go camping but this time we will be staying at the cottage since we have a couple going with 2 small kids (one is only 3-4 months old).  I really cannot wait for Friday to get here.  I need to just have some fun…and fun for not just a couple hours here and there like I have all summer so far, but fun for DAYS!  

As for NaPro news, I have been taking my LDN for two weeks now.  I’m not sure I’m noticing anything yet.  Granted, my dose is very low (1.5mg), so that may be why.  I had a tinge of PMS-ish feelings over the weekend so I’m not sure if it’s helping in that area yet either.  It was a little early for PMS for me, and I’m feeling much better these last two days so either I haven’t actually hit my survival week or maybe it is helping a little.  I’ll let you know in a few days!  LOL!

I had my vitamin D levels checked last week (no results yet) and also started my estradiol supplements.  Today I had my P+7 blood drawn (checking estradiol and progesterone) and shipped to the National Hormone Lab in Omaha.  I probably wont get those results for at least a week or two, but hopefully it will show some improvement.  If not, I will be begging my doctor for HCG to try next month.  It can’t hurt, right?  And I know a few of you mentioned that the HCG helped your PMS a lot more than the LDN did. 

By the way, did I mention that my first clinical assignment next semester is an OB rotation.  I’m actually REALLY excited.  I can’t wait to see what it’s like to be a nurse for laboring moms!  I loved being there for my sister’s birth of her twins and my friend’s birth of my goddaughter.  I just don’t know how it will be for a stranger.  I think it will be fun though!  I don’t think the whole infertility thing will bother me too much.  I will just be happy to see some babies and be a part of a great (hopefully) experience with them.  But I guess we’ll see! 

Ok, I have to go to bed.  I have to get up super early again tomorrow although it’s my last time for awhile…yay!  Hope you are all having a great week so far…even though it is only Monday!

So…I’ve been doing some research online about LDN (Low dose Naltrexone) and have found some crazy coincidences.

I found a presentation by Dr. Boyle online that he gave on LDN and how he came to believe in its use.  I guess LDN has shown some amazing results in the treatment of various autoimmune diseases such as HIV, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Crohn’s disease and Psoriasis.

So as I’m reading this presentation, the focus seems to be on autoimmunity and when it starts talking about Psoriasis, a lightening bolt hits me.  You may not be familiar with Psoriasis but I definitely am because my dad has it, my sister has it, my uncle has it (on my dad’s side) and my 2 male cousins (my only cousins on my dad’s side) both have it.  I have wondered for years if I would develop it but so far I haven’t had any clinical symptoms.

Well, some of the criteria they use for using LDN as a treatment for infertility include: (these are right from Dr. Boyle’s presentation)

1)  Persistant PMS – ummm, you all know the answer to that one. 

2) Endometriosis or PCOS

3)  Personal or family history of autoimmune disorder (MS, Rhematoid Arthritis, Psoriaisis, Crohn’s, Ulcerative colitis, Hypothyroidism, etc.)

Ummmm…hello, I am the perfect candidate for this.

Apparently, Dr. Hilgers has also looked into autoimmune disease as a possible cause for endometriosis. 

Basically they think that autoimmune factors may be a missing piece in unexplained infertility.

Wow, I am just floored by this.  It is quite possible that I have the genetics for autoimmune disorders in my DNA and it just hasn’t manifested itself in a visible way yet (although I know it is still possible for me to develop it in the future).  So I’m really hopeful that this could be a great treatment for me. 

I am not trying to get my hopes up too much but even if this doesn’t help my infertility, it could be a potential treatment for my dad, sister, uncle and cousins too.   And maybe even for me to avoid ever having symptoms of an autoimmune disease.  Is it a coincidence or a God-incidence.  I don’t believe in coincidences so I’ll stick with God-incidence.  I believe God has guided my steps thus far so I have no doubt that he allowed me to learn of NaPro, find this doctor and potentially find the answer to a health problem for me and my family.

Thanks for all your comments this week.  I am definitely excited to move forward with this treatment. 

Ok, I would love to write more but I have a TON of homework to do and I was seriously distracted this morning by this latest revelation!  Have a great day all!

Oh yeah, and here’s the link to the page that has the presentation slides and audio on it!