I recently received this info from a friend about a newborn available for adoption in California:

“I have received a request from an adoption agency working with a couple who had a baby born 5-16, Monday, at 37+ weeks of gestation in Southern California.  He is 6 lbs, 9 oz and his Apgars are 7 & 8. He was diagnosed before birth with a hole in his heart.  He is currently in NICU and the doctors are still assessing his heart.   The couple have two other children, they are not married, they live in California and seek an adoptive couple in California as they want an open adoption.”

This is all I know.  I don’t know how serious this heart condition is.  However, I do know that some holes in the heart (VSD or ASD) can be fixed and the child can go on to live a normal life.  If anyone is interested in this, please contact me and I will pass along the contact person’s information.

_________________

UPDATED:  I found out through several people who followed up on this situation that the little boy has Down’s syndrome and several other medical conditions besides just the hole in his heart.  If you wanted to follow up on this, please make sure you ask questions about this up front before getting too far.  I’m not sure why ALL of this wasn’t disclosed up front since the heart condition WAS mentioned.  Maybe it wasn’t confirmed yet as of the sending of the original e-mail, who knows? But I did want to at least share the additional information others had found out in this post (this is also mentioned in the comments below).

Ama.zon Mom

I LOVE THIS!  You sign up (it’s free) and you get 3 months of “Amazon Prime Membership” which equals Free 2-day shipping on everything Amazon Prime related which is 80% of stuff on Amazon.

Once you sign up, for every $25 you spend on Baby stuff in a single order, you get another month free (up to 12 months max).

I have purchased Ella’s formula from them because it’s the same price as anyplace else I’ve found, plus it’s delivered to my house in 2 days.  SOOOO convenient.

I think I made it to 12 months of Free 2-day shipping in a month or two because of Ella’s formula and other stuff I purchased from them.

Lastly, you can purchase some stuff (diapers and wipes for example) using their “subscribe and save.”  This saves you 30% off those items.  Since I’ve had to use disposables for a time, I used it to buy diapers.  I get a 222 count box of pampers for $29.95 and it is delivered to my house.  Do you know how big that box is?  Just the convenience of NOT having to cart it home from the store makes it worth it.  Not to mention saving 30%.

I also recently found Ella’s formula (a 6-pack of cans) was eligible for subscribe and save.  I ended up saving $20 on that too.

The other nice thing about subscribe and save is that you can sign up and then cancel after only one order.  You can order an additional shipment at any time (if you run out before your next scheduled shipment) and you can change the frequency of deliveries at any time.  I just put my orders at shipping every 3 months and I know I can always order an extra shipment early when I need it.

I am back to using cloth diapers during the day so I don’t need the diapers often.  But they are nice to have (and cheap) for when Ella gets a rash.

I have also ordered some to donate to our local pregnancy center because it is such a good deal and I know they need them.

BTW, the subscribe and save also applies to some Non-mom stuff too like paper towels, toilet paper and other household stuff that you need to buy regularly.

Maybe this will help others save a few bucks and also offer some convenience!

P.S. I have not been asked to “plug” Ama.zon Mom by anyone at Amaz.on, nor am I receiving any reimbursement of any kind from them (I wish, LOL).  Just wanted to share.

It made me afraid.  Afraid to go through what this poor family is going through.  As I held Ella that night during her night feeding, I cried for that family and I prayed that God would somehow show them what different plan He had in store for them.  I also prayed that God would keep Ella safe but that if something as terrible as that happened to us, that God would show me the reason.  God allowed us to wait a long time for Ella.  He has a really special plan for her life no matter how long or short it is.  I hope it’s long…VERY long.  Much longer than mine.  But I also know that Ella is not mine, she is God’s and He is the one who determines our every breath, even hers.

I know it’s easy for me to say that, given that my sweet girl is still here.  But in that moment in the dark, I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I told God that I knew Ella was His and that I trusted Him with her life.  It hurt me to pray that and I cried even more afterwards, but I did mean it.  Not that my saying it makes it any more or less true.  She is God’s child no matter if I accept it or not.  But I wanted God to know that the trust I had in Him when we were waiting is still there.  It’s in a different form now, trusting Him with my daughter’s life and well being, but it’s there none-the-less.  I didn’t give up my deep trust in Him just because He finally answered our prayers and I could breathe easy now.  In fact, I have to trust Him even more because now there is a little person here who is more precious to me than I could ever imagine.

I guess this thought might seem obvious to most but it is what has been on my heart for the last week or so and I just thought I’d share it.

So…even though I have to let go of the fear and trust God to protect Ella (or my heart if he chose to take her early), I also still think it’s right to do the most I can to prevent that tragedy from happening (though I know it’s not always preventable, no matter what you do).  So I saw a comment on this family’s blog that mentioned something called a Snu.za.  It is a small little device that clips to your baby’s diaper that senses the movement of their tummies when they breath.  It alarms if it does not sense movement for a certain length of time (20 seconds is the default setting but you can change it to something shorter).    This alarm is something you can hear over an audio or video monitor since it does not come with it’s own separate monitor.  I ordered one from Ama.zon that very night.

Last night was the first whole night I used it (I had been working the previous 3 nights) and it actually went off once (thankfully before we had gone to bed so we did not completely freak out).  We rushed up to her room, silenced the alarm, made sure she was still breathing and readjusted it to make sure it was on her right.  She didn’t even wake up with the alarm.  She just went right on sleeping.  It was quiet the rest of the night.  I think we will have to get used to putting it on properly but it definitely put my mind at ease knowing it was on her.  I figured that even if it gives me a false alarm here and there it is worth it and will help me sleep better.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this info because I think it is a pretty cool device and may give some others peace of mind as well.  I had never heard of it before so I figured maybe some of you hadn’t either.

So while I wait for Ella to wake up (she is stirring a bit) I figured I’d try and squeeze in a post on sleep.  Sorry for another baby related post.  :(  I just have learned so much the past few months that I NEVER knew about infants.  I’m just amazed that I was in the dark about this.  I really thought I knew a lot about taking care of a baby but I really ended up knowing nothing about sleep and schedules and such.

So the first 6 weeks of Ella’s life she slept a LOT and was so easy!  I mean, besides the basic sleep deprivation from waking up every 3 hours to eat, she was an angel.  She would always fall right back to sleep and didn’t cry much except when she woke to tell us she was hungry.  She wasn’t really on much of a schedule at all.  She just fell asleep here and there and we let her.

Then after about 6 weeks, that all went to heck.  She started staying awake longer and longer.  She also started to get crankier and crankier.   I remember the first night she was extremely fussy.  She was like that the entire evening, from about 6pm until about 11-12-ish.  I was hoping it was just a fluke.  But it didn’t stop.  We started giving her Colic Calm because we thought maybe she was just having bad gas.  She was pretty gassy, i.e. she definitely passed gas a lot.  So we figured when she was crying was when she couldn’t release it and it was hurting her.

After a few weeks of this, and the introduction of the first bad diaper rash and around the clock pooping, we figured out that she had a protein allergy.   So we made the switch and it seemed to help…a little.  Also sometime around there we started instituting a little bit of a Sleep-Eat-Play schedule.  We would let her sleep, then feed her when she woke, then play a little while (and hour or so) and then put her back to sleep.  Well, it was hard being consistent.  Sometimes we had a hard time keeping her awake even to finish eating.  Then once we got her awake awake, she never wanted to go back to sleep.  THEN, once 6pm hit and she was wide awake, she’d be fussy ALL evening until she finally crashed around 11 or 12 at night.  During those 6 hours, we’d try rocking her and soothing her and everything we could to get her to sleep earlier but she would not sleep and would instead scream in our arms.  Let me tell you, that was an extremely frustrating time.  I felt like the worst mother in the world.  I would lay my baby down and she’d cry.  So I’d pick her up and she’d actually cry HARDER.  There were nights she cried harder in my arms than when I left her in the crib.  Consequently, I cried too…a lot!  I just felt like I wasn’t even a comfort to Ella.  She just seemed miserable and I felt like we were failing her (the recurring horrible diaper rash did not help).

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago, I saw THIS post by Wheelbarrow Rider (WR) and started really thinking that maybe we weren’t reading Ella’s clues well enough.  We were waiting too long (till she got fussy) to lay her down.  WR stated that she would put down her son at the first fuss or signs of sleepiness (yawning, etc).  I was definitely not doing that.  So we started trying it.  It was hard because sometimes I felt like we laid her down too early because she was so happy and would lay there awake for awhile.  But then…miraculously, she’d fall alseep (on her own), without much crying at all (just a little fuss here and there but no wailing or sobbing by any means).

So then I ordered a couple sleep books.  I knew I needed more help…more details to really get this figured out because it was starting to work and I had a lot of questions.  The one I liked the best was “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.”  It took me awhile to realize I needed to skip over the mounds of unnecessary statistics he gives in the early chapters (I believe you, I don’t need a zillion stats that I can’t even keep straight the way he stated them).  I got right to the chapters on birth to 4 months.  It was a real eye opener.  It answered many of my questions and also made me feel a LOT better about how I was doing as a mother.  There are lots of testimonials in the book and some sounded like I could have written them myself.

I realized that babies under 3-4 months old should never be awake longer than 2 hours and some babies can’t really even handle being awake longer than 1 hour.  Ella actually tends towards 1 hour.  I started putting her to bed as soon as she look drowsy.  According to the book, drowsy signals are not necessarily just drooping eyelids.  Maybe just a yawn or maybe just a calm, quiet stare here and there (when she is not drowsy her legs and arm are going a mile a minute!).  But the key is, to start the soothing/nap routine at the first sign.  The author recommends a short time of soothing (whatever you want) and then lay them down drowsy but awake.  If you time it right, there is very little fussing.  If you wait too long, then they get overtired and resist sleep instead of going with it.

We started doing this with Ella and at first I felt bad.  I felt like I was constantly putting her to sleep (like I didn’t want to be around her, even though I DID).  But lo and behold, she was sleeping…a LOT!  And as a result, she started sleeping more at night and…gasp, in the evenings.  She started going to bed a little earlier every night.  She was happier when she was awake and rarely fussed.  I think she was so fussy because she was just exhausted!

So now, after 2 weeks, I feel like I have a different baby here!  She is AWESOME!  My husband had her by himself all weekend because I had to work and she was just a little angel.  She goes to sleep without barely a peep.  Of course sometimes she does fuss a little for maybe a few minutes, 5 to 10 minutes max but 90% of the time it’s 2 minutes or less and most times she is quiet before I get the door shut.  If she all out CRIES (even after 30 seconds), which is extremely rare now, then we get her and soothe her until she’s drowsy again and try laying her down again.  But since we’ve been so good about reading her and knowing when she’s ready for sleep, she barely ever cries when we lay her down.  She’s been going to bed around 6:30-7:30 and sleeping until 1 or 2 am.  Then she lays back down without a peep until 5 or 6.  Then she usually sleeps until about 8 or 9 am.  Not too bad for me.  If I went to bed for the night when she went to bed, I’d be getting tons of sleep!   Of course, here I am, it’s 1:15 and I’m awake and she’s about to wake up to eat.  (Might as well stay up until she eats now.)

It’s only been 2-ish weeks and already I’m getting anal about her naps.  I see how happy she is when she stays on track and I can tell if she didn’t get enough sleep (I run errands with her).  It’s making me want to never let her leave the house so she always gets her naps.  We know we can’t always do that, but I’m trying as much as possible.  It will be interesting when my mom and M’s mom start watching her here and there when I work during the week (the first time will be Wednesday).  I know they will be good about her naps but I’m hoping she can sleep just as well somewhere else besides at home in her crib.

Oh shoot, she is really stirring now.  I have to run.  I didn’t have a chance to proofread so hopefully this is coherent.  I may have more to add later.

Thanks Wheelbarrow Rider for posting that info, that info, along with info from several people who commented on it, really helped.  I was close with the Sleep-Eat-Play schedule but I was waiting WAY too long to lay her down…especially at night.

So secondly, I wanted to thank you all for your helpful comments on my last post (and even some on Facebook!).  There were actually some things we hadn’t tried yet (I couldn’t believe it!).

What we ended up doing was a few things and it really seems to be working (Thank you Lord!).

1)  We bought some bigger sized disposable diapers (Pampers Baby Dry (not “Dry Max”* since those have been known to cause rashes) size 3) so that they would be very absorbent and also be big enough to not be in constant contact with her skin when wet.

2)  We still are using our homemade butt paste that seems to be working well.

Our “recipe” includes:  Desitin, A&D ointment, Lanolin, Calmoseptine and plain cornstarch (added until it gets very paste-y)

3)  We have stopped wiping/cleaning at all if she has a wet only diaper.  We just dust her with a little cornstarch and then reapply gobs of paste and a new diaper (we also pull down on the crotch of the diaper to give her more air/room).

4)  When she does have a BM, we wash gently (usually with our hand) with warm water and Cetaphil, rinse, pat dry, and then gently blow dry on a low setting before a new dusting of corn starch and reapplying more gobs of paste.

It seems to be working.  The redness has really diminished (and disappeared in some areas, not as much in others).  I have some Acid Mantle on order that was suggested at Dr. Sears website.  I will probably try that at some point down the road to restore the pH of her skin.  It is obviously very out of wack.  I am also considering seeing a pediatric dermatologist to see if there is something more/different that we could be doing.  We will see how long this lasts and if we can ever get to a point of NO rash.

I do have some Lotrimin on hand that I was going to try before this started working.  It’s just that our doctor seemed to think it was not a yeast based rash last time when we took her in.  This rash looked exactly the same as the other one.  But if it continues, we may add that to the Butt Paste recipe.  I just know that if it’s bacterial, Lotrimin could make it worse.  If it’s yeast, antibiotic creams could make it worse.  I find it interesting that one of you actually used both at the same time, this is not something I thought of and could potentially try.

So really, thank you!  I hope we can go back to cloth again soon.  I really like using them and just hope this isn’t related to cloth at all.  I have read that some people use disposables at night only and cloth during the day.  We will see what works.  I’m just waiting for the day when she has NO diaper rash at all and I can start using cloth diaper friendly creams (to prevent another occurance) so we don’t have to use a liner anymore.  I feel like the liners weren’t helping things this time around because it kept the moisture and heat too close to her bottom (even though I used fleece liners and they stayed pretty dry to the touch…who knows).

Anyway, sorry I didn’t post my thanks earlier.  I had to work Friday and Saturday night and am just now getting some time to write.

My first nights back at work went pretty well and even though I missed Ella a lot, it was really ok.  I struggled the most with being tired and I STILL don’t feel like I’ve caught up.

BTW, I want to do a post on Ella sleeping soon.  We have managed a MAJOR turnaround in Ella’s overall mood and it was pretty much entirely a result of changing her sleep schedule and I thought I’d share.

* About the Baby Dry vs. Dry Max Pampers:  http://community.babycenter.com/post/a24242039/baby_dry_vs_dry_max_-_pampers

Just when the last little open sore she had on her bottom had almost healed…her whole behind breaks out in another awful rash that is well on its way to being MORE open sores.

The worst part, I wasn’t doing ANYTHING differently.  The only difference is that she has been sleeping longer at night.  5-6 hour stretches instead of 3-4 hours stretches.  Seriously?  So my last 2 days off from work have been spent listening to her wail (and feeling like the WORST mother ever) every time I come near her butt with anything.  And when she is awake, letting her lay with no diaper so she can air out (i.e. I haven’t even been able to barely hold or snuggle her as much as I wanted to).

I know I shouldn’t complain but I have never heard anyone else struggle so much with diaper rash as I have with Ella.  We have seriously tried everything…and I mean everything.  Cloth vs disposable.  Cloth with liners (so I can gob on any one of 20 different ointments I’ve bought/made to deal with this rash).  Cloth with fleece liners that stay dry.  Excessive use of cornstarch in various capacities.  Disposable diapers about 3 sizes too large to keep the wet parts from touching her behind.  Laying her down for naps with no diaper at all.  Taking her to the doctor who said “you’re doing everything right, there’s nothing more I can tell you/do for you.”

And honestly, once her bottom starts getting red, there is no reversing it early.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  I’m just mad that the last few weeks, the redness at least was completely gone.  I was just waiting for the open sores (from the last rash) to heal completely. But the skin all around the sores was fine and not red at all.  Now she’s actually doing what I want her to do (sleep longer) and she’s back to a beet red butt.

I want to seriously pull my hair out but instead I usually just end up crying.  And now I get to work two 12-hour night shifts in a row…sniff.

Suggestions are always welcome but I will give a prize for anyone who suggests something I haven’t already tried.

(I think I’ve spent more money on fixing her diaper rash than on the crazy expensive FORMULA she is on right now!  Ridiculous!)

Besides that, I am really having a great day.  My parents watched Ella for us last night.  Especially since on Thursday I was feeling VERY overwhelmed by her horrid diaper rash. I practically had a breakdown and just felt like the worst mother in the world.  My mom knew an overnight break was just what I needed.   I shouldn’t complain because I have been getting lots of help from my family this week.  My mother-in-law helped me a ton too.  But I just got to my wits end with the diaper rash.

I’ve been battling it for WEEKS and even took her to the doctor.  The rash on most of her bottom is gone, but there are literally open raw wounds/lesions on her behind that are from when the rash was at it’s worst and they just look AWFUL.  Thankfully I think I have finally discovered the magic concoction to help clear it up.  But each diaper change is sooooo involved.  It’s like I’m doing a major surgical procedure every time with about 20 steps.  It’s mainly because she’s just pooping all the time.  A little bit here, a little bit there.  I cannot change her diaper every 15 minutes and that’s what I felt like I was doing.  And then there were the times when I would just get done changing her and whoops….she went again.  I was just exhaustipated.  Especially since I didn’t feel like all that work was producing any results!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to go off on the diaper rash but her butt has been in the forefront of my mind for WEEKS (I never thought I’d think about my kid’s butt so much).  I had to at least give it a little bloggy-time.

Back to my birthday…it’s amazing what 9 hours of sleep can do for you.  I feel like a new woman.  Ella’s bottom is just now starting to heal a little and I’m thrilled for at least a little progress (oh wait, no more diaper rash talk).  I also had a nice breakfast with my hubby and Ella at a local diner.  It was perfect and Ella was a little angel!  She’s actually been a sleepy little angel all day!  I swear, this child sleeps a ton, well at least during the day.  I have the hardest time keeping her awake for a little while during the day.  When she’s tired, there’s NO waking her.

But I’m not complaining.  Even after sleeping tons yesterday, she still slept great for my mom and dad all night.  I’m hoping she does the same for us tonight.  That would be a great birthday present for me honey…hint hint.

I just know that every year on my birthday for the last 4 birthdays (possibly 5, without my hubby’s knowledge, ha ha), I’ve wished for a child.  And I never thought we’d have a child by even this birthday!  I feel so blessed.  I don’t even know what I’m going to wish for this year.

Actually, I do know.  I’m still going to wish for a baby, just not for me.  But for all my sweet friends who are still waiting.  Love you guys and I never stop praying for you!

I am so stinking excited that the iPhone is finally coming to Verizon!  Yay!  I DESPISE my current phone.  Well, I totally despise it as a phone.  (BTW, it is a Droid Eris by HTC…it STINKS)  For a web surfing/e-mail checking device it’s fine.  But try and make/receive a call on it and it works properly about 1% of the time.  It is sooooooooooo annoying.  I openly and loudly complain about my phone every.single.day at least 10 times.  I can’t tell you how close I have been to chucking it out numerous windows or onto the ground and stomping it into oblivion, very very close!  I think my friends and family are probably sick of hearing me complain!

Sooooo, for Christmas and my birthday (coming up) my husband said I could get an iPhone.  In December I had heard rumors it was coming to Verizon in January so I risked no Christmas gift to wait for it!  I just got the e-mail announcing it a day or so ago and I can promise you I will be the first in line for it!

I love apple products.  And since I already have an iPod touch, I wont have to work too hard figuring out how to use it.  Yay!  I can’t wait.  I hope this brings an end to my complaining!

Sorry!  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming!

But at the same time, I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts.  Especially in regards to becoming a mother through adoption, after infertility.

I know everyone has their own way of dealing with infertility, and obviously everyone feels differently about how they feel after adopting.  So I thought I’d share what I’ve been feeling as of late.

Pretty much since the day Ella was born (and honestly, even before) I have been so crazy in love with her.   I just had this really strong feeling that she was meant to be ours, forever.  And even before she was born, I got choked up practically every time I even talked about her.  I just knew she was something special!

Well, ever since she was born, I can honestly say that I was, and am, 99.9999% over my infertility.  For some reason, I don’t still mourn a pregnancy or even think about treatments/medications for achieving pregnancy in the future.  I am HAPPY and totally content with this little girl.  In fact, I almost felt even more happy that we were able to adopt and I didn’t have to go through everything that comes with being pregnant.

Don’t get me wrong, adopting was still hard.  There were many days of uncertainty and LOTS of waiting.  It could have turned out very differently and our hearts would have been utterly and completely broken.  I do recognize that.  And yet, by the mercy of God, He spared us that pain!  So for us, it was easy.  We get to keep her and be her forever family.  But overall, I just felt so at peace with her and how she came to be in our family that I just realized that this is what was meant for us.  Not a pregnancy and I am 100% ok with that.

I no longer even wish for a pregnancy.  This boggles my mind!

I realize my feelings on this could potentially change down the road since I love the idea of Ella having a sibling eventually.  But right now I am feeling ok with just having her. I love her so much and I am so happy with our little family of three.  I think I could be happy with just us forever.  Obviously we are always open to a pregnancy but it is all in God’s hands now.  We certainly wont be bending over backward to achieve one.  Hence why I haven’t charted since I met Ella’s birthmom and have not contacted PPVI for a cycle review since then also.  I am no longer taking T3 and am just now finishing up the last of my Synthroid.  (I may try to get more of that since it really helped me no feel so freezing cold all the time, but not because I think it will help me get pregnant)

They say adoption is not a cure for infertility, but for me, I sorta think it was.  I thank God for that because I know that only He can give that kind of healing.

So that’s just a few of my thoughts.  I have LOTS more rumbling in my head but figured I’d start out small.  I’m sorry if this wasn’t eloquently written, I really didn’t have time to really rehearse and/or edit my words.  I just sorta wrote what came out of my head.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!  Ours was great, obviously, after many years of being sad.  I did have so many of you still waiting in my heart though.  I remember very well how I felt all those holidays when I was still waiting.  It was not fun.  Big hugs to all of you and many prayers sent your way from me!