Coincidence or God-incidence?

So…I’ve been doing some research online about LDN (Low dose Naltrexone) and have found some crazy coincidences.

I found a presentation by Dr. Boyle online that he gave on LDN and how he came to believe in its use.  I guess LDN has shown some amazing results in the treatment of various autoimmune diseases such as HIV, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Crohn’s disease and Psoriasis.

So as I’m reading this presentation, the focus seems to be on autoimmunity and when it starts talking about Psoriasis, a lightening bolt hits me.  You may not be familiar with Psoriasis but I definitely am because my dad has it, my sister has it, my uncle has it (on my dad’s side) and my 2 male cousins (my only cousins on my dad’s side) both have it.  I have wondered for years if I would develop it but so far I haven’t had any clinical symptoms.

Well, some of the criteria they use for using LDN as a treatment for infertility include: (these are right from Dr. Boyle’s presentation)

1)  Persistant PMS – ummm, you all know the answer to that one. 

2) Endometriosis or PCOS

3)  Personal or family history of autoimmune disorder (MS, Rhematoid Arthritis, Psoriaisis, Crohn’s, Ulcerative colitis, Hypothyroidism, etc.)

Ummmm…hello, I am the perfect candidate for this.

Apparently, Dr. Hilgers has also looked into autoimmune disease as a possible cause for endometriosis. 

Basically they think that autoimmune factors may be a missing piece in unexplained infertility.

Wow, I am just floored by this.  It is quite possible that I have the genetics for autoimmune disorders in my DNA and it just hasn’t manifested itself in a visible way yet (although I know it is still possible for me to develop it in the future).  So I’m really hopeful that this could be a great treatment for me. 

I am not trying to get my hopes up too much but even if this doesn’t help my infertility, it could be a potential treatment for my dad, sister, uncle and cousins too.   And maybe even for me to avoid ever having symptoms of an autoimmune disease.  Is it a coincidence or a God-incidence.  I don’t believe in coincidences so I’ll stick with God-incidence.  I believe God has guided my steps thus far so I have no doubt that he allowed me to learn of NaPro, find this doctor and potentially find the answer to a health problem for me and my family.

Thanks for all your comments this week.  I am definitely excited to move forward with this treatment. 

Ok, I would love to write more but I have a TON of homework to do and I was seriously distracted this morning by this latest revelation!  Have a great day all!

Oh yeah, and here’s the link to the page that has the presentation slides and audio on it!

Prayers for SEW

If you all are stopping by, might I ask that you send up some prayers for SEW?  She recently miscarried the baby she had waited so long for and could use some peace that surpasses all understanding.

The Results Are In…

So I got the results from my month long hormone series…FINALLY…and they definitely found something.

I have a Type V luteal phase deficiency (LPD).  The good news is…they found something wrong.  The bad news is…they don’t know how to treat a Type V LPD very well.  Apparently, my progesterone is great throughout my luteal phase, however my estradiol is very very low.  Especially in the middle of my luteal phase and “may” correspond with my crazy PMS.  He said the PMS is normally linked with low progesterone, but that most women who have low progesterone also have low estradiol so it is possible that estradiol could have some effect also. 

So here’s the bad news…

My doctor was at the NaPro conference last week and actually had a brief chat with Dr. Hilgers about me.  (Crazy eh? and no, this is not the bad news) 

I guess Dr. Hilgers said something about how he had treated (or had done some research on, can’t remember) some women with Type V LPD and there was definitely evidence of sub or infertility related to it.  But the really bad news is that as of today, they don’t know how to treat it really or if that is the exact cause of infertility in these women.  I guess they have tried treating it with HCG injections and it was not successful in raising those women’s estradiol levels.  (Darn it! SEW, I guess I wont get your miracle drug!)

So instead I am going to take estradiol supplements during my luteal phase this cycle and do a P+7 blood draw of Estradiol and Progesterone and have it sent to PPVI again.   I find it hard to believe that estradiol supplements alone will be my magic cure.  But I guess it’s something and it could be what’s causing my premenstrual spotting, as opposed to a progesterone deficiency. 

More good news, my doctor really doesn’t think there is ANY sign of me having PCOS.  My androgen levels were actually on the LOW end and with PCOSthey are usually high.  So no more metformin for me…no problems here, I HATED how I felt on that.

More bad news, my FSH on CD5 was somewhat higher than it should be again (12.4) which can be a sign of diminished ovarian reserve according to most endocrinologists.  But I guess from what my doctor has seen, it is not really that concerning yet.  It would be worse if it was in the 20’s, 30’s and up. 

So overall his basic recommendations were this:

1.  Start estradiol supplements on P+3 through P+12 and get a P+7 blood draw to see if this helps.  Hopefully this eliminates my premenstrual spotting AND my raging PMS (PLEASE!)!

2.  Have a local blood test to determine my Vitamin D levels.  I guess more research is coming out on women’s Vitamin D levels and how they are related to infertility. 

(what’s interesting about this, was that my primary care doctor checked this on me in December and it was actually low!  So I will get it checked again to see if it is still low.  It may not be low since it’s summer and I get a lot more sun now than I did in December.)

3.  Start taking low dose Naltrexone.  I guess this is somewhat experimental (not the drug itself but using it for infertility) and it’s use is currently being evaluated by Dr. Boyle in Ireland…I think?  He said it has something to do with endorphins and opioid receptors but I can’t remember all the details but I am definitely willing to try anything at this point.   This could also help PMS!  (Hallelujah)

4.  Lastly, he really recommended me going to see Dr. Hilgers himself in Omaha because my case is not normal at all and he felt like I’d have my best chances with him.  So he’s going to start the referral process and see what we can do.  Maybe another laparoscopy for Dr. Hilgers special endo removal….sigh…or maybe not.  I guess I’d be open to thinking about it but I’ll wait until then to see if that is even something he would suggest.

Ok, that’s all I have for today.  I have to call my sister and then hit the sack.  I have 2 – 12 hour days ahead of me and I’m still sick (although I got some antibiotics from my doctor today so hopefully I will be feeling better soon).

Sick and Tired

So last week I started coming down with a chest cold.  I did my best to fight it off but I have officially lost the battle.  My cough has gotten so bad the last few days.  I HATE having a cough.  It doesn’t help that my cough is totally unproductive so it is never ending.  It’s like a have a permanent tickle in my chest and no matter how much I cough, it doesn’t “scratch” it. 

Consequently, I haven’t been sleeping very well and that is bad because I have a ton of studying to do this weekend…oh well.  I am thinking I might try these Reliv shakes that everyone has been talking about.  I figure it can’t hurt anyway.  And heck, SEW getting pregnant was the best advertisement of them all…!  Just kidding, I realize this is not infertility cure but since I am now sick and miserable, anything that gets me back to being healthy sounds good to me.  Especially with my crazy schedule. And Sew did say it helped with her PMS so anything that can help me with that would be worth a LOT of money!

So on Wednesday at my clinical at the hospital I did my first catheter insertion.  Crazy huh?  It went really well but I was shaking like a leaf.  My instructor coached me through it and it wasn’t that bad.  Thankfully the patient was completely out of it so he had no idea what was going on.  The perfect patient to get your first one over with. 

I also got my final evaluation for this first round of clinicals (Fundamentals).  My instructor said I was one of her top students which made me feel really good.  I’ve been working hard to do a good job and though I haven’t been perfect by any means, I definitely feel like I’m doing pretty well!  The next 4 weeks of clinicals are for Med-Surg I and we will be getting more patients (3) at a time.  I am not too worried though.  I am learning a TON which is cool.

As much as I have been enjoying clinicals, I am definitely getting the feeling that med-surg is not going to be my first choice.  I am so excited to do OB and Pediatrics next semester!  I think I will REALLY love those rotations!

Ok, I must go make some tea and get back to studying!  I wish there was someway to just download all this information into your brain with the click of a button, like on your computer…whoever invents that will be a cajillionaire!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my doctor said we could have a phone consultation on Monday night!  Yay!  I am thankful he was willing to work with me on the time!  I can’t wait to hear what he has to say.  I doubt he’ll have any major revelations but I’m really ready to get going on trying something new.  AF is right around the corner so it will be the perfect time to start something.

Are you kidding me?

Ok, so let’s recap…

My last post, I was quite relieved to have made it through the baby shower.  It had been “hanging over my head” so to speak for a few months since I got the save-the-date e-mail. 

So what do I find sitting on the counter when I get home from a long day at the hospital…yup, you guessed it.  ANOTHER baby shower invitation.

Is this not cruel or what?  LOL!

Yesterday I “almost” had a complete breakdown.  It wasn’t even related to infertility.  It was related to my stupid printer that decided to just quit working on me for absolutely no reason when I was in the middle of tryingto cram in a few hours of studying/printing out notecards for my exam next week (I am going to be swamped this weekend).  This type of technical/computer glitch is pretty frickin annoying even when my hormones are normal.  So considering I’m completely pms-ing, I’m coming down with a cold AND my printer stopped working when I REALLY needed it to work….Let’s just say I was “this” close to chucking the printer right through our study window sans opening it first.  I was so pissed, I literally wanted to take a baseball bat and break it into a million pieces.  And why would I do this?  Just so I could say “ok, printer…NOW you have an actual reason not to print.”  (you know, sorta like in the fax machine beatdown in the movie Office Space)

Thankfully, I kept it together (barely) and did not do that, since today I finally figured out why it wont print and it is THE stupidest reason!

But back to the baby shower invite…the second I saw that pale yellow envelope sitting on the counter with my name on it, I just had to laugh at the irony of it all.  It’s like I cannot go two days without another reminder about the fact that everyone else gets to celebrate their pregnancies and I get to celebrate my barrenness…joy!

But really, I’m actually ok.  It was such bad timing it was sorta funny.  At least I have a sense of humor about my infertility now! 

Oh, and BTW, my doctor finally e-mailed me back and told me to pick a Wednesday to have a phone consultation.  Unfortunately, I am at the hospital for 12 hours every Wednesday with no phones allowed…um…ok, I think this is really just not meant to be! 

Have a good night friends!

Another Baby Shower Survival

I made it!  I made it through one more baby shower.  It was a very nice shower as showers go, and my friend was very gracious as usual.  Thankfully it didn’t end up lasting too long since I had to get home to study.  I really hate it when showers drag on for forever.  But this one was just right, if that’s possible, for a baby shower for an infertile. 

Thanks for your comments about yesterday.  I know in my heart that what I spoke of yesterday will not keep me from adopting.  I just needed to get it out.  “It” being the fear and also the disappointment because the beginning of motherhood for me  will be different from the way I always pictured it to be.  It doesn’t make adoption a bad choice, I know that.  It’s a beautiful choice and I know that the young birthmother was at peace with her decision.  At I know it wont take long after getting my child before it wont be any different from any other mother.  Eat, sleep, cry, poop, it’s all the same after that, LOL!

So now it’s back to studying.  This stuff is really hard and there is a lot of it.  Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

16 and Pregnant Adoption Story

So have any of you been watching the show “16 and Pregnant” on MTV the past month or so?  I know, I know…it’s like self-induced torture.  But actually, it wasn’t torture until I watched the most recent episode where the girl placed her daughter for adoption.

I knew I wanted to watch it, but I didn’t realize how heart wrenching it would be.  I cried, a lot, while watching it.  And honestly, the whole thing just really made me NOT want to adopt.  Don’t get me wrong, I still do want to adopt if that’s the only way we will become parents, but it just makes me wish that we don’t end up having to adopt.  I just don’t know how I will be able to handle it.

I’ve thought about this before but watching this episode only made it more real.    I just really really dread the thought of a birthmother going through that much pain for me to be able to have her child.  All the years I have wanted to be a mom I have envisioned the day I will first hold my child in my arms.  This vision was all about love and joy and did not include a birthmother who’s heart was breaking right in front of me. 

I want that day to be happy and joyful for everyone involved and that’s just not possible when it comes to adoption.  One family suffers and grieves a deep loss while another experiences joy.  How can the joy not be tempered by that grief.

When I become a mom, I want that baby to be mine and M’s alone.  Not because I care about genetics and biology, but because I don’t want to cause anyone else pain or loss.  I will keep praying and obviously if adoption is what God calls us to, I know that I, and whatever birthmother He chooses for us, will be able to handle it with His strength.  

But gosh, was that hard to watch.  Not the best idea to watch something like that the day before I have to go to a baby shower….sigh.  Also not a good idea to watch it during “Survival Week.”     

On a happier note, I wanted to wish a huge congratulations to SEW!  I’m so so SEW happy for you!  Your story truly gives me hope!

I have to wait…nothing new here!

Grrr…my doctor sent me an e-mail this morning.  He got my e-mail but he kindly informed me that he is going to be out of the office starting tomorrow until later next week so he wont be able to get back to me until then….sigh.

I guess that means another week of waiting…I’m used to it at least…LOL!

BTW, today was an awesome day at clinicals.  I got two patients for the first time and I passed all their meds including a couple intramuscular and subcutaneous injections….cool!  I actually thought it was fun!  Fun for me, anywa, maybe not so much for the patient, ha ha! 

I am continually amazed at how fast a 12 hour shift FLIES by when you are so busy.  I am so used to 8 hour days dragging by at a snail’s pace.  This is so much better!   Off to bed, it’s another early day for me tomorrow!  But Thursday I get to sleep in!

I Can Finally Breathe

So things have definitely been going better for me the last week or so!  I feel like I am finally able to take a breather.  Even though I have the 2 shifts a week at the hospital, I feel so much more under control now. 

I had an exam this morning and I did pretty well.  That is amazing considering when I walked out of the exam I seriously thought I bombed it completely.  I think my guessing skills were unusually stellar today and she threw out a couple questions that didn’t end up being good questions.  I ended up with an A-!  How the heck?!?…oh well, I am not complaining.

The best news is that I don’t have another exam for 2 weeks.  Now I can spread out my studying instead of locking myself in my house the whole weekend before.  What a relief!

One annoying thing is that my NaPro doctor still hasn’t called with my results yet.  We’ve spent the last two weeks in communication breakdown over whether or not he had my Creighton chart.  Apparently it didn’t go through (fax) the first time but I didn’t find out until a week later.  Then I faxed it again, it did go through but he couldn’t read it and wanted it in color (he tells me a week after that).  I finally e-mailed it to him last Friday but I haven’t heard from him since.  Tomorrow and Wednesday I’ll be working sans cell phone all day so the soonest I’ll hear is Thursday.  Cross your fingers, I just want to know already!

I have been reading a couple of your girls’ blogs about the HCG injections.  It sounds promising, at least as it relates to PMS!  (we’ll, see about pregnancy, Sew!)  I could really use some help in that area, especially during nursing school.  The last thing I need is to have an emotional meltdown during one of my shifts.  I don’t want to be the crier of the group!  LOL!

I’m nervous about this coming weekend.  I have a baby shower to attend.  I wouldn’t be worried except that I’m 99% sure it will be right in the middle of survival week for me.  Hopefully all my school stuff has helped distract me enough that I’ll be fine.  I just can’t predict my emotions during those couple days. 

Baby showers are just tough in general.  Not because I’m not happy for the mom, I just can’t help but wonder if I will ever get to experience that, you know?  Sometimes when reality sinks in, you just get a sick feeling, like you just somehow know it will never happen for you.

BUT, I will be praying and I absolutely do NOT know that it will never happen for me so why make myself sick about it.  I’ll just focus on her and indulge in the yummy food and friendly company!

Ok, I am off to bed.  I want to get to bed early since I have to get up at 4:15 am…ugh!

Hopefully now that things have calmed down, I will be better about posting.  I have a really crazy/sad story to tell you about school and this whole nursing thing.

By the way, thanks for those of you who checked in on me the last few weeks with your comments.  That means a lot that you did and I assure you, besides being extremely busy, I’m doing really well!  Thanks!!!  I’m also trying to get caught up on all your blogs too! 

One last thing for those of you who watch SYTYCD,  I can’t tell you how mesmerized I was by last week’s performance by Kayla and Kupono…WOW!  It gave me chills!  The dance  had the guy dancing as the “addiction” and the girl dancing as the “addict.”  The guy was manipulating the girl and she tried to resist/get away from him but he kept dragging her back in…it was so amazing. As much as I love the current partnerships, I am excited to see the partnerships changed up.  I always wonder who is good in their own right vs. who is good because their partner is good! 

Ok seriously, I am going to bed!  Good night all!

Baptism Day

What a special day it was.  JEM is officially a “new creation” and an official member of the Catholic church.  I definitely shed a few tears today, but they were all happy ones.  The priest actually did a full body (although not her head) dunking!  It was so cute, and so moving at the same time!  I am so proud of her and I hope I can be a good godmother to her!  Her head was anointed with the Chrism (sp?) oil and it got on me so I can still smell her even though I am home! 

I wrote her a long letter (to be read when she’s older obviously) and bought her a gold Holy Family medal that matches the ones Mike and I each have.  I will have one made for each of our kids someday too when we finally get them!  But JEM gets one because now she is a part of my family too!  I love her so much already!

That you God for bringing her into my life!  Please protect her and keep her close to you always!