Feeling Hopeless
March 2, 2009
Well, my NaPro appointment is on Wednesday. I have been working on gathering my medical records together these past few weeks. As I collect them it is seriously depressing to see how extensive they are. The stack of papers sitting there are just an awful reminder of how much we’ve tried and how much we’ve failed these past few years.
I seriously don’t have any hope that this doctor is going to be able to help me. Considering my cycles are so ridiculously normal, and every treatment I’ve had was supposed to just improve my chances, and yet still nothing…what the heck is this guy going to do to fix me?
I seriously think my eggs are ruined…all of them. I think they’re old and wrinkly and no good. I think it is 100% impossible for me to get pregnant. Ok, maybe that’s not the way I should state it…I think it’s possible for me to get pregnant because with God “all things are possible,” But I truly think that God has 100% decided that He has another way for me to become a mother, through adoption.
Unfortunately, this is not bringing me a lot of peace at the moment. It’s making me feel heartbroken that I will never experience the wonder and miracle of pregnancy.
I have to remind myself that I’m pms-ing right now and that everything feels so much worse during this time. I wish I could go crawl into a hole until next week when it will all be over.
March 2, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I am so sorry you are feeling hopeless! I urge you to have faith! You wait until your blessed appointment! Napro Dr.’s (most of them anyway) are different than regular doctors!
They want to help you get pregnant! Hang in there and I will hold out hope for you! 
March 2, 2009 at 3:17 pm
This doctor will have a different perspective and it might be just what you need. I have hope for you.
March 2, 2009 at 9:35 pm
I sometimes feel that way, too. We saw my NaPro dr today and sometimes he can’t find test results, etc because my chart is too big! Ugh! I really hope and pray your hope is renewed.
March 3, 2009 at 8:00 am
The good thing Kacy is that you recognize why you are feeling especially hopeless today. You will feel a lot better in a few days, I just know it. Hang in there kiddo – you will be a mother someday, somehow. How are things going in the marriage dept.?
March 3, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Those feelings can be so overwhelming. I hope there is something he can do for you, and he blows us all away with the news!
((hugs))
March 4, 2009 at 12:52 am
Oh Kacy — I wish I could make it feel better. It’s so difficult to grieve this kind of “loss” (if really, that’s what it is … because you *really* never know what’s in store). But I strongly believe that your FAITH will get you through this. If anything, Kacy … your spirituality will carry you through whatever plans God has for you. (Wow, I rhymed … )
xoxo
Em
March 5, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Hey! Just sent you an email then saw this post. Hang in there. It’s hard, I know, but I hope the visit with the doc made you feel better. I always LOVED seeing my Napro doc. Even though we decided to stop spending money on the fertility avenue and continue adopting, I don’t regret any of our time with this doc. He was so wonderful and helpful and never gave me false hope but just hope, you know?
And if God is leading you to adoption through all of this, He will make that clear sooner or later.