In a good place…for now

So I’ve been reading some of your blogs today and I am feeling so sad for some of you.  I can remember that frustration like it was yesterday, and in a way, when I read your posts, I live that frustration all over again.

I truly wish there was something I could do to magically fix all of us or at the very least to make some of you feel even a tiny bit better.  I know your guys’ encouragement on my bad days helped immensely.  I hope I can offer the same in return.  Just know that I pray for you all regularly.  Despite having never met most of you, I still feel like we are all in this together.  I want answered prayers for you, just as much as I want them for myself.

Amazingly, I am actually in a pretty good place right now.  The news of starting nursing school early has given me a huge boost in my life.  Not that I’m running around with a stupid grin all the time or shouting from the rooftops (that will come when I do finally get pregnant)…but there is something inside me that is just starting to bubble with unguarded excitement.  It is something I haven’t felt in a long time.  Even the excitement from a new infertility drug or treatment was still always guarded.  I never wanted to get my hopes up too much.

But now, in just a few short months, my life is going to change drastically.   I will finally be moving on instead of feeling stuck, like I have for the last 3-ish years.  And this is not a “maybe it will happen” sort of thing, like pregnancy has always been. 

It . is . going . to . happen! 

It feels really good to be able to say that! 

And even though I know it’s going to be pure hell for awhile (from what I’ve heard anyway), just the fact that it’s something totally new and something I’ve been working towards for so long, makes me able to forget about the work part…for now anyways. 

So in light of that, I ended up having a really great birthday yesterday which was quite unlike my birthdays of the last few years.  I admit, there were still a few moments where I felt a twinge of sadness when I realized I was 32 years old and still not a mother.  But it wasn’t paired with the all encompassing sadness that has been the norm these past few years. 

And even though I know this good place feeling will not last forever, I am going to  just try and enjoy it for what it is for awhile. 

In the meantime, it does not mean I have forgotten about those of you who are still hurting.  I hope and pray that someday very very soon you will find your own good place to stay for awhile.