A long weekend

Can I just say how extremely happy I am that I get a long weekend out of this whole election!  It’s the one bright side to all it.  My company actually gives us Tuesday off so we can go vote.  Pretty cool eh?  We can thank the unions for that one!

So of course I will also take Monday off as a vacation day to make a 4 day weekend out of it.  Needless to say I am going to go happily scampering off to my car in about 2 hours, thrilled to not have to step foot in here again until next Wednesday.  Hallelujah!

Just to close out all the craziness from yesterday, I did just want to add that I hope I did not come across as uncompassionate in yesterday’s posts.  I volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy center and I interact with women who have unexpected pregnancies all the time.  I don’t just fight against abortion with my words, I actually do something about it.  I do everything I can to help women through a difficult situation.  My center offers emotional support, information so woman can make an informed decision,  financial/material assistance and even post-abortion counseling.  And if a woman ends up choosing abortion, which some do, I love her just the same, without question.  I would hope that those experiences would give me even more compassion than most.  I see the fear and I see the struggle firsthand.  I know it’s not an easy situation, no matter what the circumstances.  So I’m sorry if that’s how I came across.  

Ok, moving on, tonight M and I are going to go biking at our local metropark.  It is beautiful there and I am looking forward to enjoy what is sure to be one of the last nice days here in Michigan.    Hopefully the sun stays out long enough for us to get a full ride in.  Biking is something M and I have only really started getting into this past summer and I’m sad that it will soon to be over until next spring.  May is just so far away! 

Well, I guess I don’t have much else to say so I will wish you all a happy weekend!

One more thing…

Updated at the bottom

In response to a comment on my previous post, I just want to clarify…

First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for what you had to go through.  That is a situation that I cannot possibly even comprehend and I do not even know myself what decision I would have made if placed in a similar situation where my life was at risk.  I am sure you did not make the decision lightly and I am sorry that the article I posted hurt you. 

I think that when it comes to the value of human life, the mother’s life is just as valuable as the baby’s life.  Therefore, in a situation where a woman, armed with information from her doctor, is told that she must end her baby’s life or risk her own life, I absolutely can not pass any judgement.  Her life is just as important and my heart breaks that she is even in that position.  Only she can decide what to do at that point.

But to be fair, these instances account for only about 0.2 % of all abortions in the United States.  

In addition only about 1 % of abortions are performed that compromise the physical health of the mother at all (i.e. her life is not at stake but her health could be compromised by continuing the pregnancy).   98% of abortions are performed due “personal choice.”

(http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/abreasons.html#7) 

The facts speak for themselves.

I will have to look it up, but I highly doubt that abortions done because the mother’s life was at risk was not illegal before Roe v. Wade.  But I will try and get the facts on that. 

Oh and one last thing when it comes to late term abortions, Obama says he would only restrict those type of abortions if there is an exception for the health of the mother.

So if a women is pregnant and 7 or 8 months along and she develops a health issue that puts her health at risk if she stays pregnant, why would having an abortion be any safer than just giving birth at that time (despite it being premature) and immediately signing away parental rights? 

When would it be safer for the mother to half deliver the baby, then shove something into its brain to kill it, then deliver it the rest of the way?  That doesn’t seem to lessen the overall risk to the mother does it?

———— Updated ————

By the way, I can see how confusing my last paragraph was.  I guess I meant in the instance where the mother’s health is specified as her mental health, i.e. meaning she did not want the baby anymore and it would affect her mental health to have the baby.  Sorry, my question really didn’t make sense in instances where the physical health of the mother was the reason for the abortion.  Obviously if that was the only reason for an abortion than signing away parental rights is irrelevant because obviously the baby was wanted.  I apologize for this confusion. 

Also, Sarah posted a comment where she gave a link to another blog of a woman who had to have what a “partial birth abortion” to save her life.  Apparently a C-section was not possible because she was not far enough along and her pre-eclampsia was so severe that an induced labor alone was a serious risk to her life.  Thanks for sharing this as I did not know of this possibility and it answers my question I asked above.

The Real Issue

I found this on an awesome website explaining what I feel is the true issue between Pro-life and Pro-choice.  I am pretty sure (although not 100% certain) it was written by Scott Klusendorf who spoke at my pregnancy center’s annual banquet a year or two ago.  The following article and more info can be found at the site:  http://caseforlife.com/index.htm

 

Only One Issue

The abortion controversy is not a debate between those who are pro-choice and those who are anti-choice. It’s not about privacy or trusting women. To the contrary, the debate turns on one key question.

What is the Unborn?

Pro-life advocates contend that elective abortion unjustly takes the life of a defenseless human being. This simplifies the abortion controversy by focusing on just one question: Is the unborn a member of the human family? If so, killing him or her to benefit others is a serious moral wrong. It treats the distinct human being, with his or her own intrinsic worth, as nothing more than a disposable instrument. Conversely, if the unborn are not human, elective abortion requires no more justification than having a tooth pulled. As Gregory Koukl points out, “If the unborn are not human, no justification for elective abortion in necessary. But if the unborn are human, no justification for elective abortion is adequate.” (Koukl, Precious Unborn Human Persons, p. 7)

This is not to say that abortion is easy for most women. To the contrary, a decision to have one may be psychologically complex and perhaps even agonizing for some. But the topic today is not psychology, but morality: Can we know what’s right even if our emotions are conflicted?

 

Everyone agrees that abortion kills something that’s alive. After all, dead things don’t grow! But whether it’s right to take the life of any living being depends entirely on the question: What kind of being is it?

Some people want to ignore that question altogether. They simply assume the unborn are not human beings like you and me.   

 

Here’s how to clarify things: Whenever you hear an argument for elective abortion, ask yourself if this particular justification would also work to justify killing toddlers or other humans. If not, the argument assumes the unborn are not fully human, like toddlers. But again, that’s the issue, isn’t it?

“Women have a right to make their own private decisions.”

Imagine that a woman has a two-year-old in front of her. May she kill him or her as long as the killing is done in the privacy of the bedroom? Of course not. Why not? Because the child is a human being. If the unborn are also human, they should not be killed in the name of privacy any more than we’d kill a toddler for that same reason.

Of course, abortion advocates respond that killing a toddler and killing a fetus are two different things, like comparing apples with oranges. But that’s the issue isn’t it? Are the unborn human beings, like toddlers? That’s the one issue that matters. We can’t escape it.

“But many poor women cannot afford to raise another child.”

When human beings get expensive, may we kill them? Suppose a large family collectively decides to quietly dispose of its three youngest children to help ease the family budget. Would this be okay?

Abortion advocates agree it’s wrong to kill the children, but insist that aborting a fetus is not the same as killing a child. Ah, but that’s the issue: Is unjustly killing a fetus morally the same as unjustly killing a two-year old? So, once again, the issue is the same: What is the unborn?

“A woman should not be forced to bring an unwanted child into the world.”

Abortion advocates sometimes argue that killing the fetus is the more humane thing to do. “Who wants to be part of a family that rejects you? Everyone has a right to be wanted.” And if you aren’t wanted, may we kill you?  Suppose a toddler is unwanted and we have good reason to think that by the time he’s five, he’ll also be abused and neglected. Should we kill him now to spare him future trouble?

The answer is obviously no, but it brings us back to the one issue that matters: What is the unborn?

“No woman should be forced to raise a child with physical disabilities.”

Suppose that you have in front of you a small boy who is mentally disabled. He’s not very bright, cannot speak or understand much of what is said, and looks strange from head to toe. Would it be morally permissible to kill him because of his condition?

Abortion advocates agree that we cannot destroy him, that we should treat him with the same care we provide all disabled human beings. But again, this raises a prior question: If the disabled unborn are human, like the disabled toddler, should we kill them for not meeting our standard of perfection? Thus, the issue that matters most in the abortion debate isn’t disability. It’s “What is the unborn?” 

“Every woman has a right to decide what is right and wrong for herself.”

Would you force your morality on an abusive mother who was physically mistreating her two-year-old? You better. No human being should be abused.

You see the issue is not about forcing morality; it’s not about privacy; it’s not about economic hardship; it’s not about physical disabilities; it’s not about unwantedness. The issue is reduced to one question: What is the unborn?

How about the truth

Lately I have heard that there are some supposedly pro-life people out there who are planning on voting for Obama.  I don’t get this………at all! 

If Obama was pro-terrorism, would you say ”well, yes I know he is pro-terrorism, but he’s got a really great health care plan…?”  I doubt it, so you must not be truly pro-life.   And that’s fine and all, just don’t say you’re pro-life and then go on and on about why voting for Obama is ok…enough said.

The Freedom of Choice Act that Obama has promised is the first thing he will do/sign as President, will allow teenagers to have abortions without parental consent.  Does anyone find it odd that the government can restrict the kinds of movies our teenagers watch (R rated) and yet this Act will allow your neighbor to take your 15 year old daughter to have an abortion without you knowing about it?

The Freedom of Choice Act will also remove basically all restrictions on abortions.  Even limitations that are currently within the bounds of Roe v. Wade will be completely invalidated.  Here is a link with more information:  http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/FOCA/FOCA_FactSheet08.pdf

Ok, that’s my rant for today.  I realize being so open about my views may turn many of my readers off.  I know this because I have been turned off by other blogs who have declared beliefs that I do not share.  But I figure I have this medium and I have a passion for life and to not be open about who I am is not an option! 

Here is an awesome video showing just exactly how Obama feels about abortion.  In most cases, right from his own mouth.

Work Woes and Beyond

So I know this is not news to anyone…but the economy sucks big time right now.  I don’t just know this because I hear about this on the news every day, I know this because I face it every day at work. 

About a month ago, they laid off pretty much every single contract worker we had (I think this number was easily in the thousands).  Two weeks ago, they notified 30% of the people in my department that they had to find other jobs within the company.  They weren’t necessarily laid off, they just could not stay in their current jobs in our department.   (Thankfully, I was not part of that 30%.)

Basically they are reshuffling the entire company to fill all the holes left by the contract employees they laid off.  Now, every day Ihear of more and more people who are retiring.  These are people who have put in enough time at our company that they were offered (and strongly encouraged to take) an early retirement package to leave the company.

It is crazy being here every day.  Just this morning I heard that my boss’s boss (my director) is retiring, and about an hour later I hear that my boss’s boss’s boss (my executive director) is retiring too.  I don’t even know if I will have the same boss in a week!  It’s like the company is just falling apart.  It’s scary.

Life is just incredibly depressing right now.  M and I were just talking last night how crappy our lives have been lately.  It just seems like everything we are involved with is going bad in some way.  So he started listing things off:

1.  We can’t get pregnant (obviously).

2.  Our company feels like it is about to go under and both our jobs are somewhat in jeopardy. 

3.  Our football team (Michigan) sucks royally this year (I know this seems insignificant compared to 1 and 2 but hey, we take Michigan football seriously in our house and being 2-6 does not help our moods).

4.  The economy (along with our 401K) is in the toilet, Speaking of toilets…

5.  Our sewer backed up last weekend.

6.  My surgery was more extensive so we can’t “try” for another 8 weeks.

7.  This past weekend we found that a groundhog had made himself at home in our basement.

After he was done I said quietly, “well at least we have our marriage.  That is the one thing going good for us right now,” and he agreed.  At least we have that or how else would we make it?  That is exactly why keeping your marriage strong is so important.  When everything else around you crumbles, you cling to each other and hold each other up. 

I thought we’d hit rock bottom several months ago but the hits just keep coming.  I’m just glad we got help in the marriage department when we did.  Otherwise I don’t know how we’d be dealing with all the added stress in our lives right now.

It’s just another reminder that God has a plan and as long as we’re willing to trust Him, we WILL make it, even if it’s not pretty in the process!

Recovering

Well, I survived.  Unfortunately it wasn’t quite as quick and painless as I hoped.  If they’d only had to remove the polyp, it probably would have been pretty painless (well at least when accompanied by some Ad.vil of course), but they did end up working on my septum again.  I guess it was a bit lumpy or something so they really cleaned it up. 

The bad part of this is that because of the septum work, they had to put a saline filled balloon in my uterus again.  I guess it helps the healing process and reduces the chance of adhesions forming where they scraped.  Unfortunately my uterus does not like having a balloon in it and therefore is acting like a vise trying to expel it.  This does not feel good at all.  Thankfully the pain is not constant and only comes in waves, pretty much like regular period cramps just more intense. 

The doctor said everything they did should improve our chances, but I take that with a huge grain of salt.  I really don’t think either the polyp or the septum is what was causing our infertility and therefore I also don’t believe that the work they did will automatically fix our problems.  But I do believe that everything they did cannot hurt and may possibly help if and when God decides to give us our miracle baby.  It will at least minimize (although not eliminate of course) my chances of miscarriage that were increased due to the septum itself.

Anyway, I am a bit hopped up on Vicodin at the moment but just wanted to let you guys know I survived!  I’m hoping my uterus gives up it’s fight against the balloon soon (which the doctors says does happen in time).  So once that happens I will be feeling a heck of a lot better.  And at least with this procedure, since I didn’t have a lap with it, I don’t also have to deal with the shoulder pain…yay!  That’s my way of looking on the bright side.

The one thing I’m NOT looking forward to next week, is going back to work with this catheter tube thing hanging out of me.  Umm…talk about awkward and uncomfortable.  Guess I better figure out an outfit that hides it appropriately…grrr!

Thanks for all your well wishes!  I’m just glad it’s over and baring any additional findings from a NaPro doc (if I end up pursuing that), I’m hoping it’s my last surgery for this type of thing EVER!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  TGIF!

________________________

Update:  Yup, the new picture is a pastel painting of Mike and I when we went hiking this summer.  His mom did it from a picture we took.   She is an AMAZING artist, isn’t she?

Hysteroscopy #2

Well, tomorrow is my hysteroscopy.  I’m not nervous at all though.  I am pretty sure it will be quick and painless.  My doctor said my polyp is pretty small so they will just remove the polyp directly and leave everything else alone as long as it looks ok in there. 

He’s also going to double check my resected septum to make sure it healed up ok from my surgery a year and a half ago.  If they don’t end up doing much scraping then he said I could actually start trying again next month.  So that was pretty cool. I was half expecting to have to wait another 2 months to heal.  But it sounds even less invasive than I originally thought!  Whew!

I got a lot of great comments about the Creighton stuff last time!  Thanks for all your help and input.  I’ve been in contact with Pursuing parenthood and I think she is going to help me out!  If I find a NaPro doc somewhere near me, I will start learning the charting from her.  What a huge help!  Thanks also to Jen from Here we go again.  She facilitated our e-mail exchange!  Thanks bunches both of you!

Well, I got some bad news today about our adoption plans.  It was not unexpected (now that I think about it) although I did not expect it.  Does that make sense? 

So the company that I work for has always had an adoption assistance program.  They reimburse you $5000 of your adoption expenses per child.  Well, not anymore.  They canceled the program because the company is in such bad shape at the moment.  I mean, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but it never really crossed my mind that the program would be in jeopardy.   Heck…how many people actually even take advantage of this?  But it doesn’t matter because it’s over.  We have lost out on that huge financial help so now we will be responsible for it all, whatever it ends up costing.

Suffice it to say, I was bummed.   I was really bummed.  There’s the part of me that wanted to just scream at God and say, “Why do you have to make each and every path I try to take the hardest one possible?”

And then after I had my pity party I had to give up and let go once again.  I can’t fight God.  I wont win.  So I have to just let it go.  It’s not easy though and it’s certainly not fun…

Creighton Model Thoughts

So Nicole had some interesting comments on my last post about the Creighton model.  (which I appreciated by the way, thanks Nicole!)  I wanted to respond to her but then I thought why not respond on my blog where others can read and weigh in on it too.

So yes, I have heard of the Creighton Model and NaPro Technology and all that.  I actually even met with a nurse once about a year ago who trained with Dr. Hilgers and is an official Creighton Instructor.  

I guess my impression after meeting with her was that the Creighton Model/Method is pretty much what I was already doing.  I was charting my CM and my temps and I was getting very clear signs that I was ovulating every month.   So when the nurse said that she charged $500 to teach me the method and instruct me for 6 months, I just really didn’t feel like it was worth it to me.  Now had she been a doctor, I would’ve done it because I know there’s lots of diagnostic tools available to further understand your cycles.  But she made it sound like she would not be able to go that far. 

So after meeting with her, I scheduled an appointment with my now current OB/GYN who I hadn’t really met before who was a “NFP only” doctor.  He came recommended by many Catholic families I knew and also by the Creighton Nurse herself.  So I figured I would just go see him instead because I thought he would be able to be more proactive, in a medical sense, in helping me figure out what was actually wrong with me. 

Well, I brought him all my medical records and ALL my charts and he seemed to think that nothing was wrong with me.  He wasn’t convinced I even had PCOS and since my RE had removed the trace Endo during my lap the year before, he thought I would be pregnant in no time.  To him, everything looked great with my charts and he suggested I continue with the Metformin I was already on and use Clomid to boost the quality of my eggs.  He told me several times that he was sure I was going to get pregnant.  Well, as you can see from my TTC history that didn’t happen. 

We tried Clomid for 5 months and he even did another lap to see if the endo had grown back…it hadn’t.  After that, he seemed stumped and really unsure of what to do next.  He suggested stronger fertility meds and/or IUI’s (using Catholic approved collection methods).  He never suggested anything like a saliva series or any other diagnostic tools to try.  I practically had to beg him to do an ultrasound one cycle just to see if I was actually growing a follicle  (he was happy just doing a 7 DPO Progesterone Test, which all were great by the way)

Don’t get my wrong, I love my OB/GYN.  He is awesome and I am so grateful he tried to help me as much as he did.  I just don’t think he is really that well trained in actual NaPro technology.  I think he just knows a bit more than your average OB/GYN, especially in regards to charting, but not enough to actually “explain” my unexplained infertility. 

I guess I could always go back to the nurse and pay the money and see if I’m doing something wrong with the charting, but I really don’t feel like I am and I’ve learned to trust my instincts a lot in this TTC process.  I feel like I would spend the money and just end up feeling like she’s telling me something I already know and that she wont find anymore “clues” to why it’s not happening for us.

If I knew for sure there was a doctor in my area who was specifically trained in NaPro Technology I would be there in a heartbeat, but I don’t think there is.  I think my OB/GYN is the closest thing and as I said earlier, I think I’ve stumped him.  I am going to see him again in a month (after my surgery) for my annual.  So I will probably ask him about it then.  It can’t hurt. 

I know there are lots of women who blog who use the Creighton Method strictly and are actively working with Dr. Hilgers and/or another NaPro doctor.  Do you guys think that it’s worth looking into?  Is Creighton really that different than regular CM and BBT charting?  I’m definitely open to suggestions?

But I admit there is a also the part of me that is really not thrilledwith the idea of getting back into the TTC process.  It is so stressful and with “trying” comes hope and with hope, comes lots of heartache.  I’m just not sure I want to go back there…

Should we accept both the good and the bad?

In the book “How Can a Good God Let Bad Things Happen,” Mark Tabb, the author, discusses things we can learn about suffering based on the events in the book of Job in the Bible.

In the book of Job, Job is described as an extremely Godly man of great wealth and prosperity.  So in chapter 1, Satan decides to pay God a visit.  God takes this opportunity to boast about “His servant Job” to Satan.  God describes him as a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns from evil, but Satan has a comeback for God.  Satan essentially responds, “Well of course he’s faithful, you have given him every blessing imaginable, but if you take away all those blessings, he will surely curse you to your face” (greatly paraphrased).  So God basically gives Satan free reign over all Job has. 

You’ll have to read through Job if you want the full story, but in the end Satan makes Job’s life a living hell.  All his wealth is stolen from him and he is left penniless, every single one of his children are killed, and he is stricken with sores all over his body that causes him horrible pain.

All of this happens in only the first 2 chapters of Job and after all these calamities hit, Job’s wife confronts him and says “Do you still hold fast to your integrity?  Curse God and die.”  Wow!  That is a a lot of bitterness.  But Job has a deeply profound response.  He says, “Shall we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”

That is the concept that Mark keeps coming back to throughout the whole book.  The basic idea that our faith in God must be unconditional, no matter what God chooses to do, or not do for us.  Whether he gives us blessings or curses us…hmmm, that’s a tough pill to swallow.

So the more I try and write what things have struck me in this book, the more I realize there are too many to count.  I HIGHLY recommend anyone going through a tough time getting this book.  I don’t know if everyone else will find it as refreshing as I have since I am at a very specific point in my journey through infertility.  But heck, if there’s a chance it will take away even just a tiny bit of your pain, isn’t it worth a try.

So instead of going through the book, chapter by chapter (my original intention) I decided to just recap the key points that have really impacted me.

1.  We live in a fallen world.  (Amazingly, this is the exact comment Mrs. Spit made in an earlier post of mine but obviously I just wasn’t ready to hear it then) It is our own fault (the human race) that there is sin, suffering, evil, etc, in our world.  Suffering is not selective…EVERYONE suffers.  Not everyone suffers the same way, but at one time or another, everyone suffers.  The question should not be “why me?” but “why not me?”  Suffering is the rule, not the exception.  What have I done that makes me think that God should completely exempt me from suffering?  There are plenty of Godly people in the world that suffer even more than me just as there are plenty of un-godly people who suffer less.   So what did God do about suffering?  Did He end all suffering?…no, He came to earth, became flesh and He shared in it and as a result, He overcame death.

2.  We will NEVER understand God.  I know this seems like common sense but reading Mark’s illustrations regarding this really struck me.  God has proven time and again that He doesn’t always do what we expect.  In fact, most time, to accomplish His greatest promises, He has done what we least expect.  But in typical human fashion, as soon as God does something we can’t explain, we usually attempt to explain it away.  We say things like “God must have had a reason so maybe it was because we sinned,” or “He didn’t cause it to happen, he allowed it to happen.”  People in Job’s day did the same thing.  They thought they had God figured out.  They assumed that God blessed the righteous and struck down the wicked.  So because all these bad things happened to Job, they assumed that Job must have secretly been a bad guy after all.  But the fact was, that Job did nothing wrong and he knew it.  This idea went against everything everyone believed about God at that time.

3.  God promises blessings to us, but not necessarily only earthly blessings.  His greatest blessings have nothing to do with this world.  We need to remember that when we receive earthly blessings it does not mean He loves us any more and if we don’t, that He loves us any less.  In fact, many times earthly blessings actually lead us away from God.  For example, in the Bible when the nation of Israel had their greatest times of material blessings, it often ended with them turning away from God.  It was the times of hardship and suffering that always turned Israel back to God.

Ok, since this is becoming very lengthy, I will stop here for now.  Sorry if I rambled on a bit but I got so much out of this book so far.  I am sure I am not doing it justice with my dinky little paragraphs.  There is so much more in the book that I haven’t mentioned so again, I would recommend reading it for yourselves if you have questions.  I promise, I am in no way connected to this book and am not receiving anything for reviewing it (and raving about it).  I just know God knew my heart was in exactly the right place to get a lot out of it and I’d love to share it with anyone else who may be in that same place.  More to come later. 

Until next time…

Thoughts on Sarah Palin

I’ve always shied away from talking politics on my blog because I now how the topic can incite such strong emotions in people, both good and bad.  Now I am by no means a political expert, butI have been thinking a lot about Sarah Palin the last couple weeks and just wanted to share my thoughts.

When she was first announced as the VP candidate, I was very excited.  I admit, I didn’t know a lot about her but was excited because I heard she was conservative and definitely pro-life.  I didn’t put much credence into the early bad press about her because I felt like the liberal media was just looking for skeletons to tear her down because she was showing to be quite a threat against the democrats as indicated by the polls.

After her recent interview with Katie Couric, I was definitely disappointed.  She came off looking bad.  She didn’t answer many questions that were directly asked and seemed to dance around topics the whole time.  I didn’t get it!   This was not the Sarah Palin I was expecting.

But the more I thought about it, the more I put myself in her shoes.  When she was campaigning for Governor of Alaska, she was her own woman.  It was her platform, her candidacy, her rules but this situation is completely different.  What a responsibility she must feel towards John McCain.  He went out on a huge limb to choose her as his running mate.  The running mate is supposed to support the presidential nominee, bolster them up, make them look good, win them more votes.  Considering how hungry the media is for ammunition against Republicans, if she makes one slip-up or says something “wrong”, they will show no mercy in their attack.  Talk about pressure….geesh!  

I don’t know what McCain’s advisers have been telling her or how much they have been controlling her, but in that interview it seemed like she was afraid to stray at all from the McCain campaign’s talking points.  Was this because of a lack of experience or because she is under such pressure to not say the wrong thing. 

So maybe they are controlling her and maybe their not, we don’t know.  But if they are, I wish McCain would just let Sarah be herself!   Can’t they see that by putting all this pressure on her to not say the wrong thing, she ends up coming off poorly and as a result, the media got plenty of ammunition to use against her anyway. 

I think the real Sarah Palin is the one everyone loved when she was first announced.  The one with extremely high approval ratings in her state.  She didn’t (or shouldn’t have to) change just because she was hand picked by McCain.  She should be allowed to have her own opinions on certain issues.  Yes, overall they should be somewhat agreed on the fundamentals but I think it can only be beneficial to have several slightly different opinions in the White House.  If you only surround yourself with people who agree with you, then what chance do you have of learning? 

Anyway…I said a prayer for Sarah this morning and I will continue to throughout the day.  I want her to do awesome in the debate tonight.  I want her intelligence and charisma to shine through so she can shove all the recent bad press right back into her critic’s faces.  Tonight will be a defining moment one way or the other and I will be definitely be praying for it to go her way!

A New Book – How Can a Good God Let Bad Things Happen

Two posts in one day?  Amazing, I know!  But I started reading this new book and I had to write about it.  I figure if I chronicle the things I’m learning, I will have a better chance of retaining the information.  I also figured that it’s possible that what I’m learning may benefit someone else out there so that’s what I’ll be doing over the next few days or weeks. 

First off, let me tell you that I think God wanted me to read this book.  I know that sounds strange and corny and probably like a cliche, but I think it’s true.  I’ll explain why later.  So I’m going to read it and I’m hoping it will give me some answers to the questions I’ve wrestled with lately about why infertility is happening to me.  The book is called, “How Can a Good God Let Bad Things Happen.” It was written by Mark Tabb. 

Now, when I looked up this book online to order it, there were LOTS of books on the exact same topic.  Obviously, this is not a new concept.  So why did I pick this one?  Well, there is a Christian radio talk show I listen to sometimes.  It is called the Bob Dutko Show and it airs on 103.5 FM in Detroit from 12-4pm.  It is rare that I get to listen to it since it is on during work hours but whenever I happen to be in the car then, I usually tune in. 

Well, last week I ended up getting out of work a little early and when I got into the car I realized the show was probably still on so I switched the channel.  Bob Dutko was interviewing Mark Tabb, the author of this book.  They were talking about God and suffering.  Then Mark brought up Job and how his story is so difficult for Christians to understand.  He mentioned that his book was a very honest look at suffering and essentially uses Job as an example.   

The one comment that struck me the most was when Mark mentioned a question, that as Christians, do we love and follow God only because He gives us blessings?  I would guess that most Christians would say “of course not, we love Him no matter what,” but do we actually live it out or do we just think it sounds like the right thing to say?  If God doesn’t give us what we want, do we get angry and frustrated and scream that it’s not fair or ask “why me?”  Um…yes!  Mark pointed out that God should not have to dangle blessings in front of us to gain our loyalty.  What kind of “faith” is that?  As I heard them talking about this, I wanted to argue…”but that doesn’t explain why God apparently blesses others and not me.”  In fact, I wanted to argue with a lot of what he was saying.  He mentioned that several chapters in His book dealt with questions like ”Why doesn’t God do something when He’s more than capable of doing so?” and  “Why does God sometimes seem cruel?”  I knew I needed to buy it.

I just think that God wanted me to hear that interview.  He knows the questions I have had and the doubts I have felt about His plan for me.  He knows how confusing the story of Job is to me.  I had about a 30 minute span that I could have left work that day which is unusual for me.  I kind of dilly-dallied around a bit before I left and dad I left 5 minutes earlier or 5 minutes later, I probably would have missed the interview altogether.  But I didn’t.  I left at the perfect time to hear about this book that addresses all the questions I’ve been having these past few weeks…and well, years actually.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this book will have all the answers for me and will suddenly turn my life around.  But I am still interested in seeing what this author has to say and how it might change my thinking when it comes to the role God plays in our suffering.  And maybe a change in thinking is just what I need to help me deal with my infertility…at least a little better than I have been anyway.

I plan on updating my blog as I read to share what I’m learning.  I’m open to any feedback and suggestions from all of you regarding what I will express here.  So feel free to pipe in and offer your thoughts and/or opposing views. 

Ok, I think I’ve posted enough for one day!

My 100th Post

Wow, it’s hard to believe this is my 100th post.  Although I suppose it has taken me longer than most to reach this point due to my latest slowdown in writing, but it is still an accomplishment!  Having this blog has really been such a release for me these past 10 months. 

There’s just something about having a place that is 100% your own where you are the one who determines what is said and what is not…

So as I type this, I wonder…is having a blog a selfish indulgence because when I post it’s all about me, me me…and what I think and how I feel?   But then I realize that no, blogging is not the ultimate selfishness, it is the ultimate openness! 

This blog is more than just about me, it is a small piece of a much larger community of openness and sharing!  What I have gained from starting this blog is not just because I have a place to vent, it is from all of you!  What we have here is a mutual sharing of experiences so we can all learn from each other and support each other through what is an extremely difficult situation. 

What we share is not always pretty or perfect and that is what makes it so special.  In this community we do not have to be afraid to share the deep and dark because it may be those very feelings that help someone else not feel so alone. 

So in this 100th post I just want to thank all of you.  Not just those who comment here on my blog, but to all of you who write and share your lives withthis community either as commentors, bloggers or both!  Your openness and honesty have inspired me to become not just a different person, but a better person!  

Thanks!!!!!