In a fog
June 25, 2008
So after feeling better last week I am again faced with some major issues in my life and in my marriage. I know all marriages have issues but this is an issue that keeps resurfacing again and again and I’m tired of it. I can honestly say that I feel no love for him right now. I’m not saying I don’t still love him but I don’t feel any of it at the moment. I don’t even want to go on the trip we had planned for next week. I cannot imagine having to spend 3 whole days with him. I have nothing to say anymore.
I am just so incredibly frustrated with my husband and cannot believe that he treats me the way he does sometimes. Don’t worry, it’s nothing terrible like abuse or cheating or anything, but it hurts all the same. I just am not feeling very good my marriage at the moment and it saddens me that I feel this way just as we are approaching another attempt at infertility treatments. I am basically thinking I want to cancel it for now and maybe try again next cycle. I just don’t want to have this hanging over my head. I want to do treatments when I am feeling in love and happy in my marriage, not when I feel like this. It just feels wrong and I don’t want to waste the money or effort on something that probably wont even work due to all this stress I’m feeling.
Sorry to have a “feeling better” post and another “I’m depressed” post right afterwards. I know I will make it and I know our marriage will make it (as divorce is never an option) but it’s also not going to be pleasant for awhile.
Maybe I will bring up the exact issue later and see what you all thing about it. Maybe I am way off base but for now, it is still too raw.
Thanks so much for all your comments and concerns. Again, I’m so sorry I didn’t hit the “publish” button after my last post and left you all worried. Sorry to be such a downer again. It just takes time to let go of the hurt, ya know.
June 25, 2008 at 10:37 am
KC – all marriages go through difficult chapters, but I am a big fan of counseling – either individually or couple counseling. I can recommend a good Catholic counselor if you are interested.
June 25, 2008 at 10:56 am
KC – Marriage is hard stuff. It’s hard to die to yourself everyday, to choose another’s will over your own, every day. To look at and put down our own selves is hard.
Mr. Spit and I did a marriage encounter, some years ago. It was a wonderful experience.
June 25, 2008 at 11:04 am
KC – one more thing. I would also like to recommend the Retrouvaille program through the Catholic Church. It is wonderful and I’ve encouraged several friends to attend it and they’ve come out with their marriages greatly improved. Check out http://www.retrouvaille.org/
Sending you hugs.
June 25, 2008 at 11:21 am
I don’t know what your exact challenge is right now with your husband, but I can say “been there done that” on how you’re feeling. I think it’s normal for every marriage to go through that ebb and flow. I hope you get some resolution soon, and we’re always here if you need an ear. No need to apologize!
June 25, 2008 at 11:45 am
I am so sorry. Marriage can be hard for everyone, but dealing with infertility makes it even harder. I’m praying for you.
I second the Retrouvaille suggestion. I haven’t gone through it myself, but I worked at a Catholic retreat center that held these weekends. There are tons of success stories, like I’ve heard of couples who drove to the weekend not even on speaking terms, but left completely in love, or couples who were actually separated who got back together after the weekend. And it’s not only for marriages in big trouble, it helps to strengthen all marriages.
June 25, 2008 at 12:05 pm
KC, I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Marriages can definitely go through times of strain. My mom would sometimes say that she had to remind herself that she loved my dad and that love was definitely a choice, not a feeling. I quote her because I have only been married 2 year and they are coming up on their 39th anniversary. I have also heard great things about Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille. It might be worth looking into, especially if this phase doesn’t pass quickly. It sounds like you and your husband have some opposite personality qualities which can sometimes be a challenge to balance.
Anyway, we are here for you and I will pray for you and your husband.
June 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I don’t know what to say but I couldn’t read and not comment. So just know I’m thinking of you and praying for you!
June 25, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I’m sorry you’ve hit a rough spot. I hope that you can both work it out to find a central ground.
June 25, 2008 at 6:12 pm
KC-I’ll just echo what others have said. Marriage can be so difficult sometimes. I wish for you a clear head and a tender heart during this time, just as I wish it for your husband as well. Be kind to yourself as you work through this together. I’ll be thinking about and praying for you.
June 26, 2008 at 12:23 am
Infertility and everything it entails is tough. I have found it has caused tension in our relationship even with issues non-related. Your writing has always shown you have a strong marriage and great communication skills. You will feel the love again. Thinking about you.
June 26, 2008 at 12:25 am
Infertility and everything it entails is tough. I have found it has caused tension in our relationship with issues even non-related. Your writing has shown that you have a strong marriage and great communication skills. You will feel the love again. Thinking about you.
June 26, 2008 at 1:01 am
Infertility did the same thing to our marriage. I think Men don’t have the same experience women do and they begin to feel bad that they can’t fix the problem. Keep talking, a baby doesn’t magically make resentment go away and in the long run infertility and the subsequent pregnancy made my husband and I so much closer.
God bless!
June 26, 2008 at 10:19 am
KC, you are not a downer at all. Take all the time and posts that you need to discuss your feelings. That is why we are here to listen through both the good and the bad. I hope things work out soon for any things that are bothering the two of you – no matter what they are. I’ll drop you an email later. But as always, I am here to listen or talk. (( hugs))