Now that’s a lot of hits!

So I just wanted to pass along the final tally from yesterday!  I got 976 hits!  Yay!  About 4 times more than I even needed!  But it just means so much that so many people were kind enough to visit to help me out! 

Like a few of you commented…now my busiest day will remind me not of a dark point in my life, but of how many people cared enough to visit my simple little blog…again, and again, and again!  Awww!  It just made my day! 

Thanks a million friends!  Let’s bring on the next person to help wipe out their bad busiest day!

(by the way, I’ve already got over 300 hits today too!)

 

You did it! Thank you so much!

Yay!  You guys did it and it’s only 10:37 am (my time anyway)!

Thanks again!  It really means a lot to have such wonderful support! 

I also wanted to share that I decided not to test.  I know it’s a really tough decision but I just don’t want my weekend to be ruined if I get a negative (especially due to our blogger lunch on Sunday).  It was definitely tempting because I have about 5 dollar store tests so it’s not like I’m worried about the cost of wasting a test.   But even so, I think I’d like to wait. 

Since Mondays usually suck anyway, why not wait and just get the blood test results.  At least then if I get a negative result I will have no doubt about it and can just deal with it then.  And if it’s positive, I’ll know exactly how positive based on the actual beta number. 

My job is pretty flexible so I will be able to leave if I get bad news and I’m having a hard time functioning because of it.   Thanks for all your suggestions.  It’s funny how different people have different preferences.  I just never had this dilemma before since this will be the first time I have been scheduled for a beta.  

Anyway, thanks again everyone! 

Almost, but not quite…

I wanted to thank Mel and Jen for their efforts in helping me get rid of my own bad “Best Day Ever.”  Unfortunately, yesterday came close at 174 hits but it wasn’t quite enough to knock it out.  If you all wouldn’t mind clicking back on my page a few times, I would appreciate it.

My day was January 8.  It was the day I found out my sister died.  It was definitely not the best day ever for me.  In fact quite the opposite.  So I fully understood why Allison wanted to knock out her horrible “Best Day Ever.”   Thankfully, unlike Allison who got thousands of hits, I only got 214.  So getting a new best day shouldn’t be all that hard! 

I also want to thank Allison who already got WordPress to change the title of that blog stat to “Busiest Day” instead of “Best Day Ever.”  That was a great idea and I’m so glad you were able to convince them to change it! 

Thanks again for all your support!  It has meant so much!

Woo hoo, my count is now at 178…! 

What should I do?

On a side note…I am really debating about whether or not to take a HPT before my beta on Monday. In a way it will be good to get an advance warning if it’s negative but on the other hand, why do I want to depress myself any earlier than I have to.  What’s so wrong about having a few more days of blissful ignorance. I mean hey, in my head I’m pregnant until proven otherwise (based on that speck of hope that’s always always there). What do you guys think?  I wish I knew how to put up a poll!

My Story in Short – for NaComLeavMo

So some really smart people who are participating in NaComLeavMo had a fabulous idea. How about we post a brief summary of our story so that people who are visiting our blogs for the first time wont have to read a gazillion posts (not that I even have a gazillion but you get the idea) to be able to catch up? This is a brilliant idea so I thought I better get moving on it!

So about me…

Well, I have been married for 4.5 years to my amazing man “M” after dating for 4 years.  He is truly my best friend despite having a bit of a rocky beginning of our dating relationship. We are both Catholic although I am a new Catholic. I grew up Protestant and converted (by my own choice) after we got married. It was a great decision and I am so happy to have found the Catholic Church. There is so much richness in the Catholic Church that I truly have come to love.

We have two dogs named Murphy (top) and Bennie (bottom) who I introduced yesterday but wanted to add a better picture of each.  Murphy was mine before we got married so he is my baby.  He is extremely low maintenance and very loyal!  He is a Bearded Collie (like from the latest Shaggy Dog movie) but we keep his hair cut short.  Otherwise it is a hugh PITA to take care of.  Bennie, we got right after we got married.  He is an Australian Shepherd (very similar to a Border Collie) and is very high maintenance but the sweetest, most loveable, biggest personality dog you’ll ever meet.  He makes us laugh every day.  At least one of us will utter the words “you gotta come lookat Bennie” at least once a day.

   

I was pretty familiar with infertility before infertility actually found me because my sister went through it. She and her husband tried for about a year and then found out they had pretty bad MFI. They had basically no chance to conceive without doing IVF. So they did IVF 3 times and on the third time they were successful and my sister got pregnant with twin boys who are now 4.5 years old! So ever since she went through that, I have been somewhat sensitive to the the fact that getting pregnant does not happen easily for everyone who tries.

I admit I was truly hopeful that I wouldn’t have a problem, since in her situation, it was male factor infertility.  I hoped that meant it might not be a genetic thing with the women in our family (my oldest sister never had a child either).   I knew I didn’t want to have to go through what she did.

Alas, luck was not on our side and after about 6 months of trying using fertility awareness methods we were not pregnant and I was already worried. After the required year long wait, we finally began testing. Basically M and I both checked out fine except for me possibly having PCOS (still a debatable diagnosis) and also a uterine septum that needed surgery to fix. Once that was taken care of we decided to try au natural again for a few months while also taking Metformin. After that didn’t work, we turned to Clomid, also without even a hint of a positive result.

After we were ready to give up (being that we’re Catholic and didn’t think any further ART procedures were “approved”) we turned to adoption. Amazingly my OB/GYN, who also happens to be a very strong catholic, NFP-only doctor, suggested we try IUI’s. I didn’t think it was considered ok to do that but he said that as long as we followed certain rules about the collection of the sample, it was allowed.  That was all the push we needed to decide to try a few more cycles with IUI.  We just recently finished our first IUI and I am nearing the end of my TWW.

I have seen my share of highs and lows during my battle with infertility, only some of which have been captured on my blog being that I just started blogging in December. The first year of infertility I felt like God was using my infertility to draw me closer to Himself. I kept thinking that eventually, God would reward my faithfulness. After we hit the year and a half mark, I started to lose hope and after a few additional cycles of Clomid I became devastated as it started to sink in that it might never happen for us.

I think God has worked so much in my heart over the past two years and I know I’m a stronger person because of all of this. And even if I never get pregnant, I know God is still good and I know I have so much in my life to be thankful for. I am not always the best at remembering this (I’ve been known to have a pity party or two occasionally) but I do try and remind myself every now and then that God has a plan for me and that my life could easily be a lot worse.

I do know that if for some reason God decides to not bless us with our own biological child then that means that he has a very special child out there in the world that is completely meant for us to adopt. Knowing that really gives me a strong peace inside and sometimes I even say a few prayers for that child.  I know I will be a mom someday, it is just a matter of when. I just have to be patient in the meantime.

Oh yeah, and just for fun (not really), I am currently working towards going back to school to get my bachelor’s in nursing so I can become an RN.  It is finally time for me to get out of this career (engineering) that I clearly chose based on money and not because I had a passion for it. At least with my new career, no matter how physically or emotionally draining it is, I know I will at least be doing a small part to help people get (or stay) well!

Whew, this was a bit longer than I intended but considering I tried to cram it all in one post, I think I did pretty darn good!

Us and our Mutts!

IargoSprings

Originally uploaded by kcmarie122

Just thought I’d post a picture of M and I up north this past weekend. Here we are at Iargo Springs with our two boys! We’re actually going back up there in a few weekends so hopefully we will get some more pictures of the scenery. My mom was in charge of the camera for the weekend and we got mostly pictures of my family and I wasn’t sure about posting pics of my niece and nephews…

Weekend Away!

So we just got back from a weekend up north at my sister and brother-in-laws cottage.  It was the best thing I could have done during my TWW.  I was pretty busy last week at work but we got Friday off as a holiday.  Then between getting ready for the trip and the trip itself, I barely had time to think about the fact that I am in the TWW.  You girls were right in that it helps to stay busy.  

So I was thinking the other day…what if this works?  I mean it was our first try and then bam, I’m pregnant.  It just made me wonder if I would be mad at myself for waiting to try this as long as we did.  Heck, my RE suggested this option just a little under a year ago and I balked at the idea.  I had just had my resection surgery and was hoping that maybe that was my only problem.  Once it was fixed, I wanted to try on our own again.  Then instead of going straight to IUI’s we tried 5 months of Clomid.  So I was thinking, if it works on the first try of IUI (no suggesting it will, just saying if it does…) and I would have listened to my RE way back then, I could technically have had a baby by now!

Does this thought bother me?  If I could have avoided a whole year’s worth of suffering from the emotional hurt of infertility, would I change it?  Hmmm…that’s actually a tough question.  Initially you would think, heck yes, who wants to suffer from infertility any longer than they have to.  The past year has been brutal.  Much more brutal than the first year.  To avoid that would have been great.  But I’ve also come a long way the last year too.  I’ve learned a lot and I truly feel like I’ve become a stronger person. 

I know the answer to this question doesn’t even really matter.  It’s not an option.  You can’t go back and change any decisions made.  But it surprised me that my answer wasn’t as clear cut as I thought it would have been.  Kinda odd, huh? 

Anyway, I’m not feeling any different so far so I have no inklings.  But that’s to be expected considering it is still really early.  I’m only 7 DPO.  The only thing I’m nervous about is that this weekend I rode on the back of a 4-wheeler with my hubby.  I didn’t think it would be too bumpy of a ride (dumb, I know but I’ve never been on one before) but it was.  M, not even thinking about it, went crazy fast and I was bouncing around big time.  I quickly reminded him that I could be carrying a teeny tiny delicate and fragile embryo right now so he needed to take it easy.  I admit I still went for one more ride but I drove myself that time so I could stand up and let my legs be the shock absorber instead of my butt but I hope I didn’t ruin my chances with one stupid decision to ride a 4-wheeler.  It was just so fun it was hard to resist!  That is totally my kind of thing so it was hard not to participate as much as I wanted to. 

Ok, I gotta start thinking about dinner but first I have to SHOWER!  I am so dirty from a day at the sand dunes!  But at least it was so much fun!  We even took our two dogs and they had a total blast!  The only problem, now I’m exhausted!  Thank goodness we have tomorrow off of work too!  Yay! 

Happy (almost) Memorial Day Everyone!  Especially those of you who serve or have served or have a loved one who’s served in the military.   We so thank you for all you have sacrificed to help maintain the freedom of the people in this great country!   There are no words!

     

And they’re off…

So we survived…whew!  Thanks so much for all your support and encouragement these past couple of days!  I’m just happy it’s over and that everything went pretty well considering. 

We were able to collect the sample just fine this morning before the aspiration procedure.  M took the sample in while I showered and got ready to go.  The aspiration went really quickly and I was awake again less than an hour later.  They left in 3 follicles, 2 on the right (Mr. Overachiever) and 1 on the left.  I was pretty crampy afterwards, like period cramps.  But they gave me dar.vocet and once it kicked in, I wasn’t in much pain at all. 

After I was feeling a little better, we went back into the procedure room for the IUI.  M held my hand and was being his usual funny self.  I wondered if he was a little surprised at being a witness to me up in stirrups.  I hope it was the first time of many!   We were looking at the ultrasound screen and I was just thinking how cool it would be if we were looking at our baby instead of an empty uterus.  But I know that this working is a long shot.  Especially with my lining as thin as it was.    

Even so, M’s sample turned out pretty good I think.  It was 11.5 million.  I haven’t done too much research to see if that’s good or not but the nurse acted like it was good so I’m going with that!   

I’ve been laying around the whole day which has been really nice but I’m actually starting to get a tad sore.  I don’t know how you ladies do it that are on complete bedrest.  I have a massage coming up on Friday that I am SOOO looking forward to. 

Anyway, I guess my official TWW starts today.  It’s going to be a long one.  Funny how the weeks leading up to the IUI went so fast, and now I know that this TWW is going to drag like no other! 

Of all the times…

…to get a urinary tract infection, why, oh why, does it have to be the day before my first ever IUI?  Does this not seem like a cruel joke to you?  It certainly does to me.  After a call to my nurse to find out if it was ok for me to take something for it, I headed to the urgent care clinic around the corner.  20 minutes later I happily (or hurriedly) headed to the nearest drugstore armed with my prescription. 

I have only had a UTI once in my whole life, about 4 years ago.  So why now?  Maybe it’s all the action I’ve seen “down there” the past few days.  But then again, I really only had 2 dates with the vagi-cam.  Oh well, it doesn’t matter HOW I got is so much as the fact that I got it and now I am extremely uncomfortable.  I forgot how uncomfortable it really is.  I am downing gallons of water in hopes that the worst of the symptoms will be gone by tomorrow when I will be really uncomfortable from the aspiration. 

Anyway, that’s the latest.  It will all be worth it if it works…right?  Yes, that’s what I keep telling myself!

Update for IUI#1

I don’t have much time for an update but wanted to at least check in.  We are officially going to be triggering tonight.  I had 14 follicles total but the 4 biggest were 19, 18, 17, and 16 mm.  For some reason I thought they waited until they were a little bigger to trigger but hey…I’m not the expert.   The aspiration (yes, with 14 follicles that is absolutely required) will be at 9:00 and the IUI at 11:00.  Thankfully M and I can produce the sample early and then I will go in for the aspiration/IUI afterwards.  They will also be putting me completely under…whew! 

The timing of the actual IUI wont be ideal since I wont have ovulated yet, but they said that since sperm can live for 3 days it really should not be a problem. 

My biggest concern is that my lining is kinda thin.  It is only 5.2 and they like it to be closer to 8.  So I’m trying to keep this in mind so that I will not get my hopes up too much!  If it doesn’t work this time I’m hoping they we can do things differently next time.  i.e. not so many follicles (I would prefer to avoid aspiration completely) and a better uterine lining. 

If you guys wouldn’t mind offering up a few prayers for us we would so appreciate it!  I just know that everything is in God’s hands and I’m hoping that in His grace He will choose now to give us the desire of our hearts!   It would be so nice not to have to go through this again.  I have no idea how so many of you do multiple rounds of IVF.  This is bad enough!

 

Looking good…maybe too good?

Well, I just got back from my first blood work and ultrasound.  I don’t have the results of my blood work yet, but I did find out how many follicles we have so far. 

First she checked out the right ovary.  There was 1 – 14mm, 5 - 12mm, and about 4 others in the 7-10mm range. 

At this point I was a bit worried since we hadn’t even checked the left side yet! 

So on the left side, thankfully there was only 1 – 11mm and a few other really small ones.    

The nurse still had to give my results (including lab results) to the doctor to see what he wants me to do next, if anything.  I guess she will call me back around 2:00 and give me the official update.

But she did tell me that in her opinion, it is looking like we could have at least 7 follicles.  (There were 7 that were 11mm or larger)  Obviously if it continues this way this does not fit well with our “let’s only have 3 follicles” plan.  So we are trying to be prepared that they may have to aspirate out some of the follicles before the IUI so we only have the 3-4 we really wanted.   

I must admit I am scared about the aspiration.  The doctor described the procedure to me and it does not sound fun at all.  The words “long needle” and “va-jay-jay” should never be used in the same sentence.  Not to mention the fact that this aspiration will be done only a day or two before we have to have s.ex (remember, we have to collect the sample the old-fashioned way).  I don’t think it is going to be very pleasant after having a needle up there poking around.  But maybe I’m wrong…I hope.  I’m pretty sure this procedure is the same as an egg retrieval in IVF so I know it’s not too bad.  It is just not fun to think about having s.ex with my husband so soon after the fact.  Ya know?

Oh well, I guess I will just not think about it yet.  I still have at least a week or so before I have to deal with that. 

Thanks for all your advice and encouragement yesterday.  It helps to know I’m not alone in my mixed feelings.  I will try and take the advice to just focus on the positive for now.  I might not have these excited feelings for much longer so I guess I should take full advantage while I do feel this way.  I’ll update this post later with my lab results.   

** Updated to add blook work results **

Estrogen = 1109, FSH = 14.5, LH = 9.2 and Progesterone = 0.4

Although I have no idea what any of that means, the nurse said that everything looks just right for how many follicles I have.  I have to take another 150 of Follistim tonight and another 150 again tomorrow night and will go back on Friday morning for another u/s and more blood work. 

 

On my way…

So I’m officially on my way with my first IUI cycle.   Holy Crap! 

I started Clomid last Wednesday and gave myself Follistim (150) on Saturday and again on Monday.  Tomorrow I go in for my first ultrasound and bloodwork.  I’m anxious to see what is going on inside my body!  My husband was tapping the side of my hip the other day as we were laying on the couch together.  I said “be careful honey, my ovaries are working hard in there!”  (I was kididng obviously!)  But I’m hoping they really are working hard (but not too hard!).   I’ve read so many other people’s blogs about follicle counts and sizes, and estrogen levels…it’s sort of exciting finally having results of my own coming soon! 

Anyway, I managed to make it through Mother’s Day without too much trauma!  M and I decided (well, I decided anyway) that we would go to church on Saturday night instead of Sunday.  I just hoped that because it wasn’t officially “Mother’s Day” that there wouldn’t be too much said about it and there wasn’t!

Usually on Mother’s Day at my church they have all the Mothers stand up and the priest gives them a special blessing.  It is just really hard to stay sitting in the seat when you want so badly to be a mom too.  I hate it because I’m pretty much the only woman (not including teenage girls) that does not stand up).  It is not fun.  It almost feels the same as if they had said, would every woman who is not a mother please stand up.  I just feel like everyone notices and it hurts.  Had I been faced with this at the same time I was in the middle of Clomid and other meds, I have no idea how I would have reacted.  So I thought to myself, then why not just try and avoid it.  Why put myself through that if I don’t have to?

I felt the same when I declined to go to a baby shower recently.   I didn’t even know the girl that well and I just knew that if I went to the shower, there would be a really big potential for me to to get depressed about it.   However, by staying home and doing whatever I wanted, I honestly didn’t think about it at all.  It was such a better choice.  If it were a close friend, I’d want to be there, but an acquaintance…?  (I still bought her a gift by the way!)

So on actual Mother’s Day, I got to sleep in a little.  We had decided a few weeks ago to have everyone over to my house for a laid back barbecue.   It was actually pretty fun.  I got a few Mother’s Day cards that made me tear up a bit (those damn hormones again) but overall, I did well and had a good time in the process.   I even did pretty well with my diet…amazingly…since there was so much good food around. 

I’m definitely feeling odd about this cycle though.  I have very mixed emotions.  On the one hand, I am excited and hopeful.  On the other I am cautious and reserved.  I just absolutely hate the thought that if I am all giddy and excited about this cycle and then it doesn’t work then when I look back on these posts I will think “what an idiot I was!”  I hate that I can’t be 100% happy/excited about this.  

Then there’s the part of me that remembers my friends who are also going through infertility.  In the back of my mind I know that if I do happen to get pregnant, completely by God’s grace, that I will still be sad for those friends who haven’t gotten there yet.  I hate to think that my success would hurt them in any way.  It’s just like a lose-lose situation.  Either it doesn’t work (much more likely) and I’m depressed and sad or it works (hallelujah!) and it will be so hard to tell some of my friends about it. 

Well, and then there’s the whole issue of miscarriage.  Being that I have PCOS and I have had a resection of a uterine septum I am at a much higher risk of miscarriage than normal.  So worst case scenario, I get pregnant…Yay for me, sad for my IF friends.  But then there are no guarantees,  maybe I will have a miscarriage a few weeks later.  So my IF friends get hurt for nothing and now everyone is sad…including me (ok, maybe devastated is a better word).   Ugh…I guess I just need to not go there.  It makes it feel more overwhelming.  One day at a time I guess.

I know everyone in the infertility world has felt this way at some point and I know I will deal with it.  It just sucks that so many people have to go through this.  I wish we could all just get pregnant if/when we wanted to.  If only it were that easy. 

I’ll be back tomorrow with a report.  Hopefully it is a good one, although I’m not even sure what that would be at this point! 

Special meeting last night!

Hey There!  I really don’t have much time to write a post today but I just wanted to share a cool story with you all. 

I got to meet a few bloggers yesterday!  Yes, in real life!!  It was so cool!  Emily from Apron Strings Emily told me about this RE.SOLVE meeting in the first place so I wondered if she would be there.  I was determined to keep my eye out for her and eventually I worked up enough courage to go say hi!  I was totally afraid she would be a little freaked out that I showed up!  Thankfully when I walked up to her, she sorta recognized me too and was sooooo incredibly nice!  She was bubbly and full of energy and I could just tell that she was just as sweet in real life as she is on her blog! 

Then to top it off, at the end of the night I saw Emily one more time and she told me that Soapchick was there too.  Turns out, Soapchick, at The Quest for Baby Agosti, was one of the incredibly sweet women I was talking to earlier in the night.  Luckily she hadn’t left yet so I got to talk to her again, this time knowing she was a fellow blogger!  How cool is that?  If you want to read more details, she wrote about it on her blog too!

Anyway, it was just a really great meeting, and not just because of the topic.  I am so glad I went.  Thanks for telling me about it Emily!

And one last thing, I wanted to welcome a few of my other really great friends to my blog.  After posting on Friday I just realized that I really did want to tell a few people about it and not keep it so hidden anymore.  No whether or not to tell M?  I’m still waiting!   So anyway, I just wanted to say hi to them if they decided to check it out! 

Ok, gotta run! 

Tagged – About My Blog

So Emily, at Aprons Strings for Emily, tagged me a few days ago for these fun questions about your blog.  Since I honestly cannot think of anything else to write at the moment (at least that would be of even a remote interest to you, or me too) I figure now is as good a time as any to do it!  Maybe it will get those creative juices flowing!

1.  Why did you start your blog?

I started reading blogs sometime last summer, I think.  I just happened upon one infertility blog (probably due to a google search) and starting clicking down their blogroll and was amazed at the community.  It was a Godsend and exactly what I needed at the time!  Eventually I came across Jenna’s blog at inconceivablejourney and remembered seeing her on Oprah.  I just thought it was so cool that I could continue reading her story since she had really stuck in my memory after seeing that show.  Shortly after I found her blog she decided to go “invite only” and requested that if people wanted access that she’d like to be able to know a little bit more about them too.  That is really what gave me the final push to start my own blog.  I was at a tough place emotionally too and writing about it (plus knowing some of you were reading it) just really helped me work through some of my thoughts and feelings.  

2.  How did you come up with your blog name?

I actually came up with it fairly quickly which is surprising since I am so uncreative.  But at that time, because I was in such a bad emotional place, I really felt like I was truly changing and becoming a different person than I used to be.  It started to hit me that this journey might very well not be temporary, as I had always optimistically assumed.  I think for the first year or two of TTC, I kept thinking I just had to stick it out until “the end.”  But all the while I was also thinking ”the end” was only a year or two away.  I knew my personality had changed.  I was losing my ever-optimist views, I was starting to really despise my job, I was feeling major bitterness when hearing about other people getting pregnant, I was just generally unhappy.  So when I started the blog I was just beginning to realize that I might not ever reach “the end” and I was truly afraid that all those things might be the new permanent me.  Hence why I felt that I was becoming a different person.     Thankfully now I look at becoming a different person in a new more positive light.  Now I try and remember what is it about infertility that has made me even better today than I was 3 years ago!

3.  Do your friends and family know about your blog and what do they think?

Well, up until a few weeks ago none of my IRL friends or family knew I had a blog.  I did spill the beans to a good friend of mine recently though.  She told me she was thinking about starting a food blog and I eventually fessed up and told her I had one.  I knew it would be ok telling her because she had always been one of very few people in my life who knows about my IF and has always managed to say just the right things to me that made me feel better and not worse.   At first, I was very nervous for someone I know to read my blog since essentially, this is a diary of sorts.  But once she read it, I think she got a better understanding of what living with this is really like.  With the blog, you see the good days, but you also see the bad, and usually quite ugly days. 

I have really been thinking about telling M about the blog but I’m super afraid he wont even be interested in reading it.  Maybe he would at first, but not on a day-to-day basis.  I mean heck, I think he gets sick of how much I talk about my feelings to him already.  So what makes me think he’d want to not only listen, but then also go and read my feelings.  That might be too much feeling overload for him.  And if I told him about the blog, and he never read it, somehow that would hurt even more so for now I’m not telling him. 

I’ve also thought about telling my family but just haven’t committed to actually doing it yet.  I am just afraid that I will be afraid to write certain things for fear of what they might think.  Mostly because I love them so much and they are proud of me for doing as well as I am.  I’m not sure I want them to see the worst of it. 

4.  How do you write posts?

Well, mostly I just open it up and start writing and eventually it takes some kind of form or topic.  Other times I have something I know I want to write about.  It really varies.  But I have noticed that the more happy/content I am in life, the less I feel the need to write.         

5.  Have you ever had a troll or had to delete unkind comments?

No actually, and I am very thankful for that.  All of my commentors have always been extremely kind, thoughtful and understanding. 

6.  Do you check your stats or care how many people read your blog?  If so, how do you increase traffic?

I do check the stats but I don’t do things specifically to increase traffic.  I think just writing posts everyday increases traffic a lot but I don’t want to feel like I have to write every day.  I’d rather write when I feel compelled to write because of something going on in my life.  Not because I want more people to read my blog.  I realize that not everyone will find me interesting and that is ok with me.  That is why it is so great to have so many different blogs we can choose to read from. 

Ok, that is it!  It turned out much longer than I expected!  Obviously the creative juices got flowing just fine!  Hope you all have a wonderful Friday!

Oh yeah, and I guess I tag All You Who Hope, Charlotte at …and not by sight, and Sara at Gas Passer!  But if you’ve already done this, no problem!  It’s just for fun!   Also, anyone else that wants to do this, considering yourself tagged!

CD1 of IUI #1

Well, this is the first time in awhile that I’m actually happy it is CD 1.  Yay!  So I excitedly called my doctor to inform them of the “big day” so I could find out when my first ultrasound/blood work appointment will be.  Apparently it will be next Wednesday morning.  So at that point I will be done with the Clomid and the 2 days of Follistim. 

I’m so interested to see how this goes.  I’m not excited about having to take Clomid again but hopefully the excitement of the cycle overrides any mood swings the Clomid brings on.  It was much tougher taking Clomid when I had zero hope that it had any chance of working.    It just made my sadness/lack of hope seem that much worse due to wonky hormones.

By the way, thanks for all the sweet comments and well wishes!   They were so encouraging and meant a lot!  It would be so amazing if this could just work on the first try, even though I know it’s a long shot!  

Oh yeah, and I guess I was sort of close on my peak day.  I think I was actually one day off.  Oh well!

My Break

Wow, it has been a really long time since I’ve written!  But to be honest, I needed a full time TTC break (even if it only was for a week and a half).  Once we had decided about the IUI, I just wanted to relish this month of not trying as much as possible.   I didn’t take my temperature in the morning, I didn’t use my fertility monitor, I didn’t have ridiculous amounts of “you know what” with my husband, I never once looked at fertility friend, and quite frankly, I haven’t thought about the fact that I’m in the TWW (until today)….and it has been wonderful!

Now I am sure that having the IUI to look forward to has also helped to take some pressure off but still, it was just a really nice break to have especially before my first IUI cycle gets started.

I’m expecting AF any day now.  It will be interesting to see when she shows because even though I wasn’t using any ovulation predictor methods, I think I know when I ovulated.  And since my LP is always 14 days (when not using progesterone) I should be able to back-calculate my peak day once she shows).  It would be nice to know I can actually pinpoint my own ovulation without using all that other stuff that just tends to add a little more stress to the process. 

I’m just thinking ahead to after the IUI’s if they don’t end up working.   I don’t want to go through the next year or so of charting my temps or using a fertility monitor.  I just want to forget about TTC and yet it would be nice to know I can sort of pinpoint my ovulation on my own so we can at least do “it” once around that time.  That should keep the stress (and hope) in each cycle to a minimum while still providing a chance that God will surprise us with a miracle. 

Ok, enough talk about the IUI’s not working.  I’d like to keep as much of a positive outlook as possible these next two months!   

By the way, my diet and exercise regimenis still going well.  I’ve lost a total of 7 pounds and already I can tell a huge difference in how my clothes fit.  I’d still like to lose another 3 to 4 pounds but I’m thinking I will ease up a bit once this cycle officially starts.  I guess I will stop trying to lose and start trying to maintain for a month or two.  But I will still keep up with the weights (except being very careful during the TWW) so I don’t end up losing all that muscle I have worked so hard to achieve the past month! 

I’ll check back in when it is CD 1!!  The only thing I’m not looking forward to is Clomid…ugh! 

Ok, now I have to go catch up on everyone’s blogs!  I have gotten so behind in my reading (and commenting)!