Still Smiling

Well, I’ve had time to let it all sink in and amazingly I have felt better and better as this week has gone by.  Thank you all for your sweet comments!  Knowing I have that kind of support means so much because honestly, there’s not many other people that I can talk/write to about this.   I have close family and friends that know what we’re going through but even with them I feel like they are somewhat tired of giving essentially the same advice month after month.  (The one exception being my sister)

This cycle was definitely better because I had a better attitude about it.  It makes me feel good the way I handled it this month.  It makes me feel strong.  Strong because I know I have God leading the way, clearing a path for me and it makes it so much easier to bare.  I hope I can keep may faith strong so I never have to live in utter devastation regarding IF again!  (I know this is wishful thinking but I’m still hoping…and praying!) 

So on the day that I got my negative result I got an e-mail from Bethany Christian Services.  I had requested some information from them on domestic, international and state adoptions several months ago.  I had already received all the domestic and international information packets in the mail but Tuesday I finally go the e-mail stating that the state adoption information was in the mail.  I know it wasn’t like a thunderbolt sign from God or anything but I do think it was quite coincidental that it arrived on the day of my negative result.   It certainly gave me something to think about.

So on Tuesday night at the Pregnancy Center, I saw several little babies.  One was only 4 days (yes days) old!!!!  Not sure why she took him out in the freezing cold but hey, it was fun seeing him.  It just reminded me, again, that I could love any child that was given to me to care for.  Especially one that really needed it.  Talking to one of those little babies and getting him to smile just melted my heart.  I want that more often…ya know!  Even if it’s not MY child.

So, M is coming home tonight from his business trip and I think I’m going to talk with him about maybe starting the process to become foster parents.  I know it takes awhile to get approved and it is basically free for us so it would only “cost” us the effort to complete the paperwork and such.  I just think that state adoption might ultimately be our best chance considering the cost involved with other types of adoption.  And fostering would be a great way to help out some kids in need and someday maybe getting the opportunity to adopt one. 

It’s just a thought.  But I just feel like maybe God is leading me in that direction.  Not like it’s 100% or anything.  But what could it hurt to get a license.  It’s not like you are forced to accept any placements.  I just feel like if God has a child out there for us He will bring them to us and we will know at that time if he/she is the right one to accept for placement (even if it is only temporary). 

The only problem is that I know there is a big potential for heartache involved.  That is my biggest concern with fostering.  My sister and brother-in-law were foster parents and the first little boy they got just stole our hearts.  They only had him for two month and it was so hard for all of us to see him go back to his family (his grandmother took him in).

I know we will have to think about it a lot before we jump right in but it’s just a thought that’s been running around my mind lately!