But even if He does not…

Well, the craziness hasn’t let up yet unfortunately.  I still haven’t done my Unsung Review yet.  Thankfully we had this past week off for reviewing a new chapter so at least I’m not two weeks behind now.

So I’m 11DPO today.  I’m thinking I will test tomorrow.  The only thing I’ve been feeling is cramps here and there.  But I don’t think that’s a good sign since I am 99% sure I have felt these exact same kind of cramps the past several months (since going on the Clomid/progesterone combo). 

On the other hand, my temps are looking really good this cycle and they were up really high this morning.  Although I’m wondering if it is partly because we had a big warm up in the weather last night.  It has been in the 20′s the past couple weeks and today it was in the 50′s when I was driving into work. 

I’ve been praying like crazy the past week or so.  Not just that the results would be positive but mostly that I would be prepared for (and actually ok with) a negative.  I know I will still be disappointed but I just don’t want it to crush me or make me “mad” at God again.  I’ve been really trying hard to trust God more lately and this will be a true test.  I want to trust Him no matter what the results are.

I heard this really great message last week.  It was about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from the Book of Daniel in the Bible.  These three guys were thrown into a furnace because they refused to bow down and worship the statue that the King had made. 

My favorite part of the story was when the King gave them one more chance to bow down before the statue or he told them they would be immediately thrown into the furnace.  This is what they said in reply:

“O Nebuchadnezzar (the king), we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

That is truly the prayer of my heart today and has been all week.  Because I know that God has the power to allow me to get pregnant.  But even if He does not, I will still trust in Him and continue to believe that His timing is perfect and I will not allow myself to be sucked into a pit of depression. 

If you think of it, maybe send up a few extra prayers for me.  I have a feeling it’s going to  be negative and a few extra prayers would definitely help!