“This need to reconcile who I thought I was and now who I really am, is no fun task. ” Totally. Also I was the same as you good at most things I did. Thanks for sharing!

With that said … I loved your review on the book (I will have to pick it up and read it too!) I especially like the part about not doing good with failure, as I am TOTALLY like that too. I’ve always had the attitude that if I worked hard enough at something, I would always succeed. But if there is one thing that I’ve learned in my whole journey is that as much as I want to succeed, I have absolutely NO CONTROL over the situation. I have to do whatever I think I need to in order to reach my goal … but there’s only SO MUCH I can do to actually make it happen. It’s, as you say, in God’s hands.

But don’t get me wrong … the person I am is still very ANGRY that I can’t reach that elusive goal to have my own biological family. I am, however, working on trying to get past it so I can go on to my next step …

As for keeping everything inside of you, I totally recommend you don’t do that. I did it for almost ten years and nearly lost all sense of my former self (I’m only slowly getting back to the person I used to be … scarred, but I’m still there). If you need to see a counselor about it, I recommend you do. It has honestly done wonders for me. (And since I think you live in the same area, I can give you the name of a great one that deals a lot with infertility issues.)

And keep up the blogging. Sometimes just getting it out there for the rest of the world to see is therapeutic. It definitely has been for me. In my “real” life, I am a pretty intensely private person (especially with the infertility part of my life being the biggest part of who I am right now). By sharing these thoughts and feelings on my blog, I have said things that I normally would never say to someone face to face. And the best part of this is that I know that some of my family reads it. Even though they may not say something directly to me, just knowing that they read it to get a better understanding of who I am makes me feel less lonely in this journey.

Okay, I’ve babbled enough. But one more thing before I go … wanted to let you know that I “moved” to a new site. Please see me at my new home: apronstringsemily dot wordpress dot com

And that is so great about the lap being done so quickly! Thats the fastest I’ve heard of it being done!

I’m enjoying reading your Unsung Lullabies reviews.