Crisis Pregnancy / No Pregnancy

Well, I don’t have much time to post today.  It has been a busy busy day. 

I’m tempted to delve into the religion issue as a few have asked about…but I’m not sure I’m ready to get into a major discussion on it in my blog…yet!  I’m far from a religious scholar and I get nervous about getting into debates.  I’m just not always sure what good it does although it is always important to hear the various sides of the story.  Let’s just leave it at that for now and maybe sometime I will be in the mood to further explain my conversion and accept comments in response from some of you.   Although people are always free to comment whatever/whenever they’d like.

As for now, I thought I would share a few insights about my volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center.  One of you asked about it and considering I worked there tonight, it’s as good a time as any.  

I actually decided to volunteer at the local pregnancy center about 4 months before we even started trying.  I was really bored with my life.  I went to work, came home and watched TV all night, went to work, came home, and watched TV all night…rinse and repeat, etc.  It didn’t help that I hated my job and that I was really ready to start trying for a baby and yet M wanted to wait a few more months.   So I decided I wanted to find a way to help out others instead of sitting on my duff every night watching mind numbing TV.

 I had heard about our local crisis pregnancy center through our church bulletin.   They had an announcement that they were always looking for volunteers so I attended the information session and signed up.  At first, I just helped out with fund-raising events.  The only way they are funded is through donations.   But the more I spent time with some of the people who worked there, the more I thought about starting the training to become a peer counselor.  

At that point, M and I had been trying about 6 months, and I was hoping it would happen soon.  I even wondered how the center would feel if I did become pregnant.  Would they still want me to be a counselor considering I would be on the happy side of pregnant? (as opposed to the crisis side) And maybe the girls couldn’t relate to me.  Uh, yeah…so that never happened obviously.   (Remember back when you planned your life based on the knowledge that you would be pregnant any day now)

 Well, once I started my counselor training, I would sit it on counseling appointments and meet girls who thought they were pregnant.  We would first talk to them and see what their situation was. 

 Just to give you a brief description of what the center offers:  At our counseling appointments we give the client a free pregnancy test which they take.  If it comes back positive we talk about what they’re thinking.  We go through a brief fetal development presentation and then, if they are considering abortion, we give a brief  presentation on the most common 1st trimester abortion procedure including the risks.  If the test comes back negative we talk about sexual integrity and how to avoid another pregnancy scare (abstinence).  The center also offers material assistance to moms who are pregnant and keeping their baby or who have already had their baby and are still under 1 year old.  We provide them with baby food, clothes, car seats, all of which is donated to the center and referrals to places who can help them with some of their needs.  That is pretty much it in a nutshell!

Well, when I first met a few of the girls/clients, I was just in awe of the pressure they were facing.  As much as I want to be pregnant now, I would never have wanted to have been pregnant at 16 years old either.   And to be honest, I really never felt the burning jealousy of  their pregnancies that I feel when I hear of a new couple that’s pregnant. 

I think what it comes down to is this…I figure that the girl and I are in the same boat.  We are both in a place where we don’t want to be.  She’s pregnant, doesn’t want to be pregnant, and would probably give anything to not be pregnant.   I on the other hand, am not pregnant, I’m dying to be pregnant, and would probably give anything to be pregnant. 

Granted, I understand that her pregnancy is through her own fault (usually) whereas my situation is not.  I have no control over my fertility.  But somehow that thought makes me able to really care about these girls that come in.  It also helps that I really do not want these girls to choose to have an abortion.  Not just because I’m pro-life and not because I am now facing the prospect of adoption and know others who are pursuing it as well, I don’t want her to have to suffer the potential emotional, physical and spiritual consequences that having an abortion often brings.

So for whatever reason, I LOVE going to the pregnancy center and wish I could go more often.  Isn’t that weird?  I know…it’s weird to me too.  But I haven’t even shared the best part yet…

The best part is that volunteering at the pregnancy center changed my life in another way too.  It made me realize that I am in the wrong career.  I am a mechanical engineer and I have hated it since the day I started in college.  (don’t ask me why I didn’t quit way back when!)  I have been working for an automotive company for 9 years and had been wanting to get out of the industry for several years.  I just didn’t know what else I would do.  Well, my volunteering showed me how much I enjoy interacting with people and helping those in need, so last year I went back to school and am now pursuing my nursing degree. 

I really do feel like God has had his hand in this area of my life in a special way.  I feel like all the events leading up to me deciding to switch careers to nursing was directed by Him.  I sometimes wonder if this “calling” to nursing is partly why God doesn’t think it’s the right time for me to get pregnant.  (even though I will still get my nursing degree if I do become pregnant, it might just take me an extra year or so)

So my career change is really something that has kept me going this past year.  The excitement of it and realizing that I love my classes.  They are hard work but I find the subjects fascinating.  I still have a long way to go considering I am still working full time but it’s nice to have something to work towards while we are in limbo with our TTC efforts. 

OK, seriously, this was WAY longer than I intended.  But I get so excited about this part of my life that I just had to share.  (especially considering it’s one of the only things exciting about my life…at least to me anyway.)