Feeling Better

Wow, I’m feeling a lot better today.  Maybe blogging really is cathartic?  Or maybe it’s just because I took my last clomid a few days ago and am now pumping my body with estrogen.  Who knows….! 

I want to thank everyone who posted comments on my blog already.  It’s amazing (and yet a little sad too) how many women are struggling with the same things.  But at the same time, it’s so nice that you have all become such a supportive community.  I thank you for allowing me to join and as a newbie, I will try hard to stick around and be supportive of others as well.  Knowing you all are out there makes me feel so much less alone although obviously I wish no one had to deal with this struggle. 

So I noticed a few other bloggers had posted pictures of their christmas decorations so I thought I’d post one of my tree.  I’m actually quite proud of it and love how it turned out this year!   I also thought this would be a nice change of pace from my previous posts.  It just reflects the change in my mood. 

  

I also thought that now would be a good time explain a little bit more about myself so people could understand where I’m coming from.  I was actually raised in the church…the protestant church.  I grew up going to a non-denominational church which was probably closest to baptist.  I have always believed in God and have always done my best to follow Him and His plan for my life.  I also always firmly believed that I needed to marry someone who shared my same faith. 

I met my husband, M, at my job right out of college.  He was such a nice guy I was immediately drawn to him.  I guess he felt the same because he asked me out soon after we met.  On our first date we had a great time talking.  We even felt comfortable enough to talk about our beliefs.  I found out he was Catholic and was a little wary, due to my strict protestant upbringing.  But the more we talked, the more I realized that fundamentally, we believed the exact same thing. 

To make a long story short, after attending church with M for several years, and shortly after we were married, I decided I wanted to convert to Catholicism.  I didn’t just do it to make M happy though because he never ever asked me to convert.  I really did it because I realized something very important.  The more I learned about the Catholic church, the more I realized that the Catholic church was the original church (from apostolic times).  And although there have been some ugly times in the church’s history, amazingly it has held strong and still is based on its roots.  It just brings me great comfort to know that a lot of things the church believes, are the same as they were way way way back then.   

Anyway, I only mention this brief religious background because I am still a bit up in the air about my feelings about strictly following the Catholic Church’s guidelines for infertility treatments.  We currently go to a NFP (natural family planning) only OB/GYN.  Meaning, he follows all Catholic guidelines and does not prescribe birth control (not that we will ever need it…ha ha).  In general, NFP doctors have a much more naturalistic approach to infertility which I really like.  They focus on fixing the root of the problem through charting and blood tests, not just by bypassing the problem as some other ART’s do. 

I am still on the fence though.  I guess it’s because I haven’t been pushed to the limit yet.  I still have a few (although not many) things to try if I decide to continue our TTC journey.  But I reserve the right to change my mind later if we do ultimately realize that IVF or the like is our only option.  Is that bad?  Or hypocritical?  Or maybe just relativistic religion.  I only accept what I like and ignore what I don’t….grrrr!  I wish this were easier.

By the way, I’m sure you’ve all heard the news about Jamie-Lynn Spears.  Pregnant at 16!!!  Doesn’t it just make you cringe!  I figured that news would send shock waves throughout the IF community.  At least she is keeping the baby though.  I give her credit for that.  That’s not an easy decision in today’s society. 

By the way, did I ever mention that I volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center?  I know it must seem idiotic for me to subject myself to unexpected/unwanted pregnancies on a regular basis.  But amazingly I find it to be very therapeutic…so far anyway.  More about that later.